Agent Drew Rosenhaus was at his absolute best Monday, appearing at halftime of ESPN’s “Monday Night Football” broadcast to spin the Plaxico Burress Situation.

Trouble is, another Rosenhaus client, the Burger King, might have a brighter NFL future right now.

Burress shot himself in the leg at a New York City nightclub. It was just a flesh wound, fortunately, but he had a lot of ‘splaining to do.

Now Burress is facing mandatory jail time on his felony weapons beef, since New York City takes such matters very seriously.

“I think it would be an outrage if we didn’t prosecute to the fullest extent of the law,” New York Mayor  Michael Bloomberg told reporters Monday. “Particularly people who live in the public domain, make their living because of their visibility; they’re role models for our kids.”

The Giants may have legal recourse to ditch his 5-year, $35 million contract extension. And the NFL could slap him with a hefty suspension.

Plaxico Burress, meet Michael Vick.

Here is what New York Daily News columnist Mike Lupica wrote: “He thought he needed a gun to ‘protect’ himself. Then he could not even protect himself from himself. Another athlete thinking that if trouble broke out, he’d win a gunfight. In the end, Burress didn’t even know how to work the safety, and nobody is talking about a free safety here.”

Let’s hope it all works out for Plaxico. In the meantime, enjoy this catchy beat:

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Missouri football fans brace for the worst:

• Are the Cardinals so over-stocked with relievers that they don’t need Russ Springer?
• How many of those relievers were more reliable than Springer last season? Zero?
• Now that most of Rick Majerus’ stepchildren are gone – and SLU is charging top-dollar prices in its new arena — shouldn’t the Billikens win some games?

HE GOT HIS PHIL OF TENNESSEE

ESPN.com followed Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer around on his final day as football coach. Fullmer had a largely successful 17-year run, but boosters wanted somebody new after the Vols stumbled this season.

Fulmer stayed on the high road and finished out his term with class.

“I want to say thank you to everybody,” Fulmer told friends and family at one point. “It’s been like a four-week funeral, but I’m not dead, OK? We’re not going anywhere. It’s been a great run, and we told ourselves we’re not going to be bitter. Our phone number will be the same. We’re not sure what we’re gonna do 100 percent, but let’s count our blessings to do what we’ve done.”

Of course, not everybody is giving the big fella a respectful sendoff. Here is what Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel recently wrote:

“As I watched the oversized SpongeBob SquarePants dirigible in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Thursday, it was good to see that Phil Fulmer has found another job so quickly.

ODD CRIME STORY OF WEEK

This came over the wire:

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — A former Wisconsin football player was charged Monday with threatening athletic director Barry Alvarez, tennis star Maria Sharapova and their families.

Long story short: Leonard Taylor Jr., 32, quit taking his meds.

CREEPY HOCKEY AGENT DAVID FROST WALKS

After his acquittal on sexual exploitation charges. And, yes, he has his own web site.

These are strange times we live in.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

DJ Gallo, ESPN.com: “Of the three interim head coaches — Jim Haslett, Tom Cable and Mike Singletary — Singletary clearly has the best chance to keep his job. The 49ers are improving under his leadership. Also, once a man drops his pants in front of you, you sort of have a bond, like it or not.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “In Thursday’s tripleheader, the Titans, Cowboys and Eagles won by a combined 90 points. Thataway to serve us three turkeys on Thanksgiving, NFL!”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Four years ago, Matt Leinart won the Heisman Trophy as a junior. Two years ago, he was the 10th pick in the NFL draft (and second quarterback). Three days ago, his coach, Ken Whisenhunt, said he didn’t send him in with five minutes left - and the Cardinals trailing the Eagles 48-20 - because ‘I didn’t want to concede at that point.’ Quite the career trajectory.”

Shaun Powell, Newsday: “If athletes feel the need for protection in public, they should just hire a few security guards and go about their business. That way, they’re not a threat to anyone or themselves, in the case of Burress. This is all about the clubs, you see, and the young athletes drawn there. Notice how you never hear about athletes packing outside a church, or a bookstore, or a museum, or a library. No, certain young athletes need to go somewhere so they can flaunt how rich and famous they are. Flashing gold chains and diamond-crusted Rolexes and thousand-dollar wads in the wrong place will increase anyone’s odds of getting knocked upside the head. Sometimes common sense provides better protection than a Glock.”

Jerry Crowe, Los Angeles Times: “Speaking of shootings and New York, Stephon Marbury of the Knicks says of his teammates’ speaking out against his petulance: ‘I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn’t even give me an honorable death.’ . . . The only thing dead is Marbury’s career with the Knicks.”

MEGAPHONE

“I go to the grocery store and I still want to bag my own groceries. I still think I can do it better than anyone else in the grocery store. And definitely the eggs always go separate.”

Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner, talking to FSN’s “Best Damned Sports Show Period.”