This is no joke: Writer-director Tim Carr has produced 82-minute documentary “Leaf” about the professional life and death of Chargers quarterback Ryan Leaf.

A screening at the San Diego Library was free, as a nod to those fans that suffered through the Leaf Era.

“I insisted it be free for all the Chargers fans because it’s their story,” Carr told the San Diego Union-Tribune. “I was like, ‘Chargers fans have been through enough — let them have this.’”

Carr is currently reworking the ending, since he finished the film before Leaf resigned his coaching post from West Texas A&M. You may recall that Leaf bowed out after asking a player for pain-killing pills.

“That kills my redemption ending,” Carr said.

Carr tried to talk Leaf into appearing in the film in a cameo role. Alas, Carr said their conversions became “progressively less cordial” as the documentary came together.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for the Illini to launch a last-second shot against Clemson:

• Will Javier Vasquez celebrate his escape from Ozzie Guillen by flourishing with the Braves?
• Does that trade preclude a Braves trade for Jake Peavy? Does that deal set up a Ryan Ludwick-for-Yunel Escobar move?
• So how does Elisha Cuthbert feel about being called “sloppy seconds” by Dallas Stars agitator Sean Avery?
• On the other hand, why did Gary Bettman think this was his problem to handle?

MIZZOU ATHLETE OF WEEK

Seldom-seen Missouri guard Jarrett Sutton got four minutes of court time during Tuesday night’s 95-41 drubbing of Arkansas-Pine Bluff. And he wasn’t shy.

His first three-point shot was a brick. His second was an air ball. Undaunted, he kept shooting and swished two treys before the final buzzer.

Sutton proved he belonged out there. Perseverance is a wonderful personal trait.

DUCK AND RUN

For obvious reasons, Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe is definitely NOT standing behind the league’s tiebreaker system. Texas beat Oklahoma earlier this year, but the Longhorns will back in Austin while the Sooners are drubbing Mizzou in the conference title game Saturday.

“Any tiebreaker system is difficult and will leave teams disappointed,” Beebe said. “When the tiebreaker was written I was not in the league but they wanted to put in the team that had the best chance to play in the national championship game.”

But, yes, the league will take a second look at the system. Maybe, just maybe, head-to-head results should count for something, eh?

ANOTHER PLAXICO BURRESS UPDATE

From one of the globe’s most trusted news sources.

THE DEATH OF THE HOUSTON COMETS

Means this guy will have to find a new stage for his moves. Sad.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoTribune.com: “The Cubs declined to offer arbitration to Kerry Wood and Bob Howry. So, Carlos Marmol is your likely closer. Him or the newly acquired and goofily begoggled Kevin Gregg. We pretty much knew that already, but now it’s official: It’s a whole new bullpen when the bullpen really matters. We don’t know if Marmol can get the last three outs. We don’t know if Gregg can get outs in sold-out Wrigley Field after pitching in a place where every fan got his or her own section. I’m thinking this would be a good year for the Cubs to market Lou TV in high-def.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Poor Cavaliers fans having to hear all this talk about LeBron James maybe going to the Knicks when he becomes a free agent in 2010. Like it’s not bad enough just having to live in Cleveland!”

Tim Keown, ESPN.com: “For Tom Cable’s next trick, he’s going to have Shane Lechler run from the Wildcat formation, fake the Statue of Liberty, drop-kick it from 45 yards and then act surprised when it doesn’t work: Before you call on Sebastian Janikowski to be the featured attraction on a fake field goal that calls for him to run 7 yards to the line of scrimmage and then 10 more to get the first down, you might want to make sure Janikowski can run 17 yards.”

Rick Chandler, Deadspin: “By now you may have heard of former Wisconsin defensive back Leonard Taylor Jr., who was charged on Monday with one felony stalking count and one count of misdemeanor telephone harassment for threatening Wisconsin athletic director Barry Alvarez and tennis star Maria Sharapova. This is a sad story from start to finish, as Taylor’s father has said that his son is mentally ill, and hasn’t been taking his medication. Still, a more unlikely duo than Alvarez and Sharapova you’d be hard-pressed to come up with, unless you’re picking names out of a hat.”

MEGAPHONE

“At age 35, in year 13, this is the kind of year I needed. Last year took a toll on me. Kurt Warner said it best: Seasons like this make you feel young again.”

Rejuvenated Falcons safety Lawyer Milloy.