This won’t help Mark McGwire’s Hall of Fame bid: His brother Jay, a confessed juicer, is penning a tell-all book.

The title: “The McGwire Family Secret: The Truth about Steroids, a Slugger, and Ultimate Redemption.”

Uh, oh.

CHICAGO WANTS YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM

St. Louisans fret about the potential exit of the Rams. Chip Rosenbloom will sell the franchise at some point and so far nobody with Missouri ties has made a suitable offer.

With each passing year, the Edward Jones Dome becomes more obsolete. Tick, tick, tick . . .

Meanwhile, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley has been campaigning for his city to get a second NFL team. Old-timers will recall that the Windy City had the Cardinals before we did.

“We should have a second NFL team in Chicago,” Daley told Comcast SportsNet. “If San Francisco has two, New York has two, Florida has three teams … and when you take Washington, Baltimore and Philadelphia, they have three teams there in that region, we could easily support a second pro football team.

“The population is here, the business community is here . . . [The NFL] should really look at Chicago.”

Something tells us Roger Goodell is more concerned about the glaring vacancy in Los Angeles, but, hey, we’ll see.

THE OTHER SUPER BOWL QUARTERBACK

Kurt Warner will get lots of love at the Super Bowl next week. It will be a regular Warnerpalooza. But let us not forget that Ben Roethlisberger is interesting, too.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering why so many of Bob Stull’s assistant coaches did so well after leaving Mizzou:

• Can the Blues get to the All-Star break without losing any other key players?
• What, exactly, is Lance Armstrong trying to prove with this latest comeback?
• Will coming off the bench help Leo Lyons refocus his game in time for the tougher Big 12 Conference games?

SPAGNUOLO SHOULD HIRE THIS DOG

This was one of our favorite Super Bowl commercials ever.

Maybe this pooch could get Richie Incognito and Joe Klopfenstein over the hump.

DUMBEST FANS OF WEEK

Local authorities wrung up Arizona Cardinals fans Rex Perkins and Ryan Hanlon on misdemeanor criminal damage charges.

It seems they targeted Donovan McNabb’s off-season home in Chandler, Ariz.

First they hung a Cardinals flag in McNabb’s tree. No problem there. Then they left a box bearing pro-Cardinals messages in his driveway.

Again, there was not a problem. But when they burned pro-Gridbird messages into his lawn with diesel fuel, THAT was a problem.

Police had no trouble tracking down the perpetrators, since the box left on McNabb’s driveway bore a shipping label with Perkins’ address. Oops.

“When they decided to get diesel fuel out and start damaging the yard, they crossed the line,” Chandler police Sgt. Joe Favazzo said.

SPEAKING OF TOUGH FANS

Clemson hoops boosters got some national exposure with this incident.

Ouch!

BIG TALK FOR A LOSER

Former Lions coach Rod Marinelli is in no mood to chat with the Detroit media down at the Senior Bowl. He was there in his new role as defensive line coach of the Chicago Bears.

Booth Newspaper scribe Tom Kowalski fills us in:

As three beat writers approached Marinelli, who was sitting in the stands, he told us to get lost in his own charming way.

“Goodbye, ladies,” he said.

All three of the Motown reporters were male, so Rod was just trying to be funny. He is quite the comedian, having coached the Lions to a 0-16 finish last season. That was one of the most elaborate pranks of all time.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Will Leitch, Deadspin, on his beloved Gridbirds: “All I’ve ever wanted from this team was for someone to notice them. The NFL is the signature sporting conglomerate in the country, the massive monopoly that crushes all other sports in its path, and yet no one ever seemed aware that the 32nd team existed. I’d like to say that I was outraged by the slack-jawed, gaping ‘The Arizona Cardinals’ coverage everyone has given this team for the last three weeks, but I can’t. Why wouldn’t they be dismissed? I always dismiss them too, and I never miss a game.”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “This is nothing quite like the list of prop bets for the Super Bowl. BetUS.com’s list includes odds: (Bruce) Springsteen’s halftime show (the favored playlist at 5-2: Glory Days, My Lucky Day, Badlands, Born To Run). A wardrobe malfunction by band members (wife Patti Scialfa is 2-1. Clarence Clemons unfortunately is only 4-1). The first food product thrown on the field (caught by a camera) will be a soda (2-1). (Nachos are 10-1.) Santonio Holmes and J.J. Arrington are tied at 2-1 as the most likely players to get arrested during the week. The River Dance is only 9-1 as a possible first endzone celebration, just ahead of The Worm (8-1).”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “The Raiders fired James Lofton, letting go not only their wide receivers coach, but their best wide receiver.”

DJ Gallo, ESPN.com: “It’s too bad Ray Lewis didn’t get back to the Super Bowl. That would have been quite a story. A redemption story. A story of faith triumphing over tragedy. An American story. Because I think every little American boy grows up dreaming of one day playing in a Super Bowl immediately following an offseason in which he turned state’s witness and pled guilty to obstruction of justice in a double-murder case. I know I did.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Kobe Bryant is now charging $49.99 for premium content on his website. Which is understandable. Times are tough. YOU try getting by on only $30 million a year!”

MEGAPHONE

“Sometimes you talk about being a parent, with what they call tough love. Sometimes you do things, and your kids can’t stand it. And then they tell you that you don’t know anything, and you’re an idiot. You know in the back of your mind that you’re only doing it for their best interests. And you’re only doing it because you love them and you want to get the best out of them. I believe you have coaches that are like that, too, and I think Todd’s like that.”

Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner, on hard-nosed offensive coordinator Todd Haley.

ELSEWHERE ON STLTODAY

Claude Lemieux is back in the NHL at the age of 43. Old friend Brendan Shanahan scored in his first game back with Devils. As I noted in my Hockey Guy blog, it’s time to do the time warp again. The Steve Spagnuolo hiring has raised Chip Rosenbloom’s stock with fans, as I opined elsewhere on the site.