Braves fans were sad to see pitching John Smoltz exit for Boston. Few of those boosters felt worse than comedian Jeff Foxworthy, Smoltz’s golfing buddy, did.
“It’s sad to me,” Foxworthy told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “I don’t think he ever envisioned this day coming.
“He kept calling me and said, ‘you’re not going to be mad at me are you?’”
Foxworthy was OK with Smoltz, but less so with the Braves.
“I got a message from the Braves PR department. Derek Lowe was coming in and they wanted me to come talk him into joining the Braves,” Foxworthy said. “I was like, not after what you did to my buddy.”
Speaking of Foxworthy, he took this run at the other Jeff Gordon in his stand-up routine:
CHRIS PAUL DISSES HIS “COUSIN”
It’s a nice little story for the Missouri basketball program, how freshman Miguel Paul patterns himself after his first cousin — NBA standout Chris Paul.
But when a KOMU-TV reporter showed up in New Orleans to chat with Chris about this, the Hornets guard said he didn’t know who Miguel was.
This revelation blew up all over the blogosphere, since that realm is overrun with Missouri grads. Stay tuned . . .
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while wondering if Mike Martz still believes Kurt Warner is all washed up:
- Now that the Dodgers have renegotiated Andruw Jones‘ contract, can the ballclub renegotiate his weight?
- After the Blues played such great hockey for 55 minutes, how could the Hockey Gods allow them to lose in Calgary?
- After the Red Sox gambled on John Smoltz and Brad Penney, were the Yankees tempted to bring back Roger Clemens?
- Speaking of Clemens, how would he hold up during a criminal trial for perjury? How many glasses of water would he go through?
- Would his testimony go something like this?
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Tim Tebow had surgery Monday to remove a bone spur from his shoulder. Georgia had surgery to remove Tebow’s foot from . . . whoa, look at the time!”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Michelle Wie earned her LPGA tour card, meaning women pros can hate her up close now instead of just from afar when she plays in men’s tournaments on publicity-driven sponsor exemptions.”
Will Leitch, Deadspin: “The Arizona Cardinals have been so horrible for so long that no media members have even the slightest inkling of respect for them. The majority haven’t paid attention to them in two decades and have been waiting for the Cardinals to lose so they don’t have to do any more research. The best example of this was Cris Carter, who, on Sunday night, called Cardinals linebacker Karlos Dansby, alternately, ‘Dansmon,’ ‘Dockett’ and ‘Darnell Dansby.’ (Amusingly, Carter tried to cover his tracks by pointing out that Dansby was ‘great at Florida State.’ Dansby went to Auburn; defensive tackle Darnell Dockett went to Florida State.) It’s difficult to blame anyone for this. There are 32 teams in the NFL, and each team has 53 roster spots. That’s 1,696 players to keep track of. You have to end up ignoring somebody, and for the last 30-some-odd years, the most efficient team to ignore has been the Arizona Cardinals.”
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “One reason Jason Giambi won’t miss the Big Apple: the nickname hung on him by the Gotham sporting press: The Giambalco.”
Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoTribune.com: “Defenses are nothing without a quarterback — a good or great quarterback — because if the quarterback can’t control the ball, the defense gets no rest and gets overworked and eventually gets its head kicked in, isn’t that right, San Diego Chargers and New York Giants and Miami Dolphins?”
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Florida’s Percy Harvin is a lot like Reggie Bush - except he doesn’t need a compass to figure out which direction is north.”
MEGAPHONE
“I’m a small-college coach. That means that when you’re on the road in hotels, you take the soap. … You take it one day at a time, and if you lose sight of that, then you’re in trouble.”
Northern State University coach Don Meyer, to ESPN.com, after winning his 903rd career game.