This Outfielder Is Tough As Nails
The Kansas City Royals have gained tremendous respect for outfielder Jose Guillen.
First, he saved his financially strapped team some money by handling a medical issue himself. Every little bit helps in this economy!
Second, Guillen proved that he is absolutely nuts. He did something that made fans wince: He tore out his own ingrown toenail.
The Kansas City Star talked to Guillen about this self-procedure, which he performed Wednesday.
“The doctor saw me and he said we’ll see how it feels in the morning. If it wasn’t any better, he wanted me to have surgery,” he told the Star. “I thought, ‘Whoaaa.’
“So I went on my own to the pharmacy, got some tweezers, came home and pulled it out myself. Let me tell you, I cried. I had one tough hour. But I got it out.
“I reached in there and poked around until I got the end of it. Then I counted one, two, three and just pulled . . . Oh, my God. It came out, but tears were running down my cheeks.”
Somehow Tipsheet can’t see J.D. Drew pulling a similar stunt . . .
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while wondering where NFL tackle prospect Andre Smith wandered off to in Indianapolis:
- Since when does Matt Kenseth rule NASCAR?
- After 27 losses in two seasons, do the Rams owe any loyalty to Orlando Pace or Torry Holt?
- Will Colorado pick up its basketball recruiting? Can you really build a winning Big 12 program around kids from places like Killdeer, N.D.?
- With so many other needs to fill, why did Raiders czar Al Davis give Shane Lechler a $16 million deal?
- Did he forget that Lechler is a punter?
- After getting stiffed at the Oscars, will Mickey Rourke at least get a Slim Jim commercial?
BAD ECONOMY, GOOD COACHES
Mike Anderson is due a nice contract extension for reviving the Missouri basketball program. Trouble is, Mizzou - like most state-run universities across the country - is facing a major budget crunch due to the failing economy.
A media personality raised this issue to Connecticut basketball coach Jim Calhoun, asking him about his $1.6 million salary. The resulting exchange was predictable:
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “The more I hear about this phony Nationals prospect, the more I’m beginning to wonder if he even speaks Spanish . . . Here’s the Nats’ biggest problem: When 19-year-old Esmailyn Gonzalez turns out to be 23-year-old Carlos Alvarez, there’s no way you can blame it on a typographical error.”
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Alex Rodriguez says he wishes he had gone to college. Ah yes, college! It’s what many of us, athletes and others, remember as that blissful four-year escape from the temptation of illicit drugs.”
Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “The economy is in shambles, the state government is broke, the stock market’s down and unemployment is up. I blame it on A-Rod’s cousin.”
Daly again: Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Gonzalez/Alvarez is the illegitimate son of Sidd Finch - that pitcher with the 168 mph fastball that George Plimpton dreamed up years ago.”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “The Vikings and 49ers are interested in trading for soon-to-be-freed Michael Vick. In an unrelated story, incidence of canine anxiety has spiked 40 percent in Minnesota and San Francisco. The Niners are offering more money but apparently Minnesota is offering to change its nickname to Vickings.”
Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoTribune.com: “The Bears have decided not to raise ticket prices for next season because of an economy as weak as their pass rush. Team president Ted Phillips says the team will look for areas to cut, a process they began last season when they eliminated the wide-receiver position.”
Daly again: “About the only way this story could be better is if Gonzalez/Alvarez had invested his $1.4 million bonus with Bernie Madoff.“
BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!
Are you one of those Americans wondering why Will Smith uttered this catch phrase during the Oscar telecast? Do you wonder why you routinely hear “Boom goes the dynamite!” on sports talk radio shows?
Then let us refresh:
RIDICULOUS PROTEST OF WEEK
Not exactly sure what is going on here, but it can’t be good for Lance Armstrong.
BOUND BY DISHONOR
Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez are arguably the two greatest players of our time. And now look what has become of them:
MEGAPHONE
“I love tattoos, actually . . . Something that is that meaningful that it’s there forever. Man, if I got another one . . . I want something with words in it next time. Mine is a checkered flag-American flag with some angel wings and some stars and stuff.”
Danica Patrick, chatting up her back art with AOL Fanhouse.
Thankfully, the gang at Deadspin has been all over this story.
ELSEWHERE ON STLTODAY
Hockey Guy weighs in on several topics, including the ascension of Old Friend Patrick Lalime to starting goaltender in Buffalo.
Feel free to chime in on our weekly live chat. Let me guess: Somebody is going to complain about Bill DeWitt’s economic commitment to winning.
I still use “boom goes the dynamite” when the opportunity arises! That’s the one positive that guy can take from his performance–a lasting catch-phrase!
If Danica Patrick is going to have a tramp-stamp, shouldn’t she be more trampy? (Please? Just a little?)
One of my kids had an ingrown toenail removed once. I’ll say this for Guillen–it’s not quite Ronnie Lott, but had he been born much farther north he’d have been a hockey player!
“After 27 losses in two seasons, do the Rams owe any loyalty to Orlando Pace or Torry Holt?”
Absolutely not!! The dysfunctional country club days are over at Rams Park.
Barry Bonds is asked if he took steroids, and he didn’t say “no.”
But who am I kidding, we all know he just had a second puberty at age 35.
Boom goes the dynamite? My favorte catch phrase is “Sweet Sassy Molassy” from Ray Romano’s SNL Sportscenter in 1999.
David Freese has soreness in his achillies tendon???????
Grrrr, it just keeps getting worse and worse for this shamefull mess of a sports franchise. Todd Wellemeyer gets clipped by a crab? Looks like he’s not coming back until August.
I know the Blues are headed in the right direction, but why the heck was Beglund and Perron with Janssen on the 4th line??????
Better luck with health and a fired Andy Murray will find ‘09-’10 as the light at the end of the tunnell.
Rams? Let’s just franchise Pace for the umpteenth year in a row.
Blues try hard but just can’t turn the corner on this season. Time to throw in the towel and get one of the two studs in this year’s draft. Trade Walt (sorry big boy, you were great) and get some picks, and bring up a few boys from the minors and get them a little NHL experience.
Anyone notice how teams are setting up their penalty kill against us? They always keep the right forward high in the circle so Boyes can’t get his one timer away from there. Time to move him somewhere else (maybe the middle slot?)
Not many players can get shots off from the middle slot on the PP. They just need to adjust to how the PK is set up and work the puck in front to Tkachuk or work on more shots from the point men, who should switch to their off sides to take one timers…
Hey Jim Calhoun,
How do you spell stupid?
If there is anyone who knows about being stupid, it is me. As well as cut-and-pasting, being unfunny, and knot nowing how to spell.
At UConn the very successful women’s coach has a long-term contract worth $1.3 Million/year. My wife asked me a question in response to the UConn coach’s “We put $12 Million a year into the University”. She asked what does the program cost a year, asst. coaches, scholarships and tutors, amortized construction and upkeep stadium costs? But more interesting was if a scientist brings in a multi-million dollar research grant does he/she think they are entitled to make 7 figures? MMMMMMMMM????
To quote my favorite amateur economist, Babe Ruth, “No man who works for another is overpaid”. I assure you, if UConn basketball was not putting butts in the seats, Jim Calhoun would be shown the exit immediately.
I’m really disappointed that our citizens, rather than improve their lives, waste energy crying about what a college coach or a Wall Street executive makes. Meanwhile, your government extorts money from you to support their preferred classes who provide nothing other than a willingness to remain indentured servants.