Jim Haslett hoped to keep extend his run as head coach of the Rams. That didn’t happen.

Jim Fassel wanted to coach the Rams. That, too, didn’t happen. Steve Spagnuolo got the job instead.

So now Haslett and Fassel are off to coach in something called the United Football League, which is supposed to debut in October with teams in San Francisco, Las Vegas, Orlando and New York. The Versus network has agreed to wedge one game per week between its fishing and bull riding shows on Thursday nights.

The UFL will feature some neutral site games in Los Angeles and, um, Hartford. Haslett will coach the Orlando team, which ought to be a decent gig as long as it lasts.

“This league, in general what attracted me to it was the people running it,” Haslett told reporters, according to the Associated Press.

A fellow named Michael Huyghue is commissioner. He is a former player agent and a former executive with the Jaguars and Lions. He also recruited Dennis Green and Ted Cottrell to serve as head coaches in the fledgling league.

Fakhir Brown will have Haslett on speed dial, should he not find NFL work for next season. Corey Chavous is already holding on Line 2.

And, of course, the UFL could be Michael Vick’s ticket back to the gridiron:

“This will be awesome,” Fassel told reporters Wednesday. “It’s pure coaching — players that want to get better, players that want to develop. A lot less of the other stuff that’s always involved when you’re an NFL coach.”

Yeah, like dealing with reporters. Or fans. Or corporate sponsors.

THE NCAA WILL STEAL THIS IDEA

To expand March Madness into June.

But, no, seriously, we can’t get enough of March Madness. Or guys making fun of “Pardon the Interruption,” for that matter.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while wondering if Skip Schumaker will pull himself together at second base?

• Is starting Brendan Ryan, a natural No. 9 hitter for Tony La Russa, shaping up as the preferred Plan B?
• Will Missouri constantly run defenders at Texas Tech gunner Mike Singletary in the Big 12 tourney?
• Was Kwamain Mitchell’s game-winning shot at the A-10 tourney a sign of huge things to come next season?

THE DEATH OF FREE SPEECH

All Americans — and not just high-school cheerleaders — must be careful what they put on their Facebook page. Another example arose in Philadelphia, where the Eagles dismissed a stadium operations worker after he posted a derogatory comment on his page.

The Philadelphia Inquirer reported that Dan Leone got canned after complaining about Brian Dawkins’ free-agent departure to Denver.

“I shouldn’t have put it up there,” Leone said, according to the Inquirer. “I was ticked off, and I let my emotions go, but I didn’t offend any one person or target a specific individual. I was just upset that we lost such a great guy. Dawkins was one of my favorite players. I made a mistake.”

LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH, ATHLETIC

So what does NBA player Lorenzen Wright pack for a West Coast trip?

The Cleveland Plain Dealer took inventory:

Five dress suits and one casual suit; seven belts; six dress shirts and six pairs of cuff links; five ties; five pairs of jeans; three long-sleeve T-shirts; four casual T-shirts; one vest; two sweat suits; nine pairs of shoes; 14 pairs of sunglasses in a case; underwear, undershirts, socks; one dop kit with toiletries, computer; cell phones; DVD player and movies; jewelry; iPod; headphones; Bible.

“This is a lot of stuff, isn’t it? I never looked at it like this before,” Wright told the newspaper. “But you know what’s funny? I’ll wear it all, except for maybe one suit. Somehow by the time I get home, I never have anything left.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Smartest person in sports? Easy. That’s the guy in Vegas holding a winning ticket for a baseball game between Holland and the Dominican.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Charles Barkley had his jail sentence for DUI reduced from 10 days to three. Heck, three days is nothing for Charles. He used to spend longer than that in the lane.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “I’m unclear on why MLB has put out the unwelcome mat for that Dominican doctor who is linked to steroids and (Alex) Rodriguez. How is that fundamentally different from Bobby Crosby and Matt Holliday working all winter with Mark McGwire?”

Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoTribune.com, on the anti-fighting campaign in the NHL: “The owners believe fighting is as popular as goal-scoring. The cheers for fights are as loud as those for goals, and no matter how idiotic some owners can be, wiping out something that brings 20,000 people to their feet is not something they want to do. Eliminating fighting will never happen. And if it ever does, welcome to soccer on ice. Welcome to the death of the NHL.”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal Constitution: “Well. That didn’t take long. Chipper Jones suffered a strained oblique in the World Baseball Crock, but he’s playing the role of good soldier and patriotic American by saying he could have crumbled just as easily in spring training with the Braves. Well, that may be true. But here’s the problem: If a player gets hurt in spring training in Florida, it’s bad luck. If a player gets hurt playing a meaningless exhibition game 1,300 miles away in Toronto because Major League Baseball wants to sell hats and T-shirts in Venezuela, it’s bad luck AND could’ve been avoided. But fear not. Bud Selig will design commemorative arm slings before this is over.”

MEGAPHONE

“Any time the reaction is that harsh, athletes are somewhat surprised. Oftentimes, when you’re a star athlete, there’s just so much good that’s written about you. They build you up. And when you make a mistake, they don’t realize how much a mistake is blown up as well. It was a learning experience, if nothing more. He’s definitely learned from it and is ready to move forward and make sure stuff like that doesn’t happen again.”

Alvin Keels, agent for much-criticized offensive tackle prospect Andre Smith.