Basketball fans must live without grouchy, ACC-centric analyst Billy Packer as CBS takes us down the road to the Final Four.

This is sad for Tipsheet, because Packer had a knack for staying in the news. As a public service, we’ll help you remember what you’re missing.

First, there is his general joylessness:

Then, there is his political inappropriateness:

Finally, with his infamous call of the Tyler Hansbrough Assault, he demonstrated just how blind loyalty can be. Psycho T was taken down with one of the most blatant and vicious cheap shots ever televised, yet Packer insisted nothing untoward occurred.

Why?  Because a Duke player was involved. Duke can do no wrong in Billy’s world:

That is an awesome clip. CBS showed elbow to nose over and over, yet Billy sees nothing wrong with it. He digs himself in deeper and deeper.

Put it all together and you wonder how Packer’s career might have gone differently:

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for the Blues to muster a scoring flurry in Edmonton:

• How do Kentucky fans like being in the NIT this season? Does anybody miss Tubby Smith yet?
• Which baby-faced coach is having a tougher 2009, Lane Kiffin or Josh McDaniels?
• How come Michael Vick did time for running a dog-fighting ring, but the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race kills dogs year after year without repercussions?

BETTER TV THAN THE NIT

You wonder why ESPN2 wasn’t all over this?

NFL COACHES ARE NUTS

The Booth Newspapers passed along this note:

According to a source with knowledge of the situation, the Detroit Lions players were told at a team meeting today that they are not allowed to talk to the media unless the interview is first cleared through the public relations department. In the past, players were free to speak to reporters without getting approval from team officials.

According to the source, new head coach Jim Schwartz implemented the new policy during the first day of offseason workouts today. “What is said in team meetings stays in team meetings,” Lions spokesman Bill Keenist said.

Here is the thing about the Lions: They are terrible. They have been terrible for years. Because they lose every week, they have developed a bit of a PR problem.

Rather than fret about what might end up in the newspapers or on sports talk radio, Jim Schwartz should teach his team to block and tackle.

That guy in front of you? Block him.

The dude with the football? Tackle him.

Get back to us, Jim, after you teach your team to block and tackle. Win some games, then it won’t matter what your guys are telling reporters.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “So where are all of you WBC defenders now? Chipper Jones is out with a strained oblique muscle. The Braves can’t be certain he’ll be ready for Opening Day — and even if he is, he’ll be ready for Opening Day after coming off an injury (not good foreshadowing). Boston second baseman Dustin Pedroia also has checked out of the WBC with an abdominal strain. Florida closer Matt Lindstrom is sidelined indefinitely with a shoulder injury. Milwaukee outfielder Ryan Braun has some strain in his side. So far, nobody has lost a major organ. Just interest. The good news is that fans in Venezuela think this is really cool and T-shirt sales are going well in the Netherlands. Of all of baseball’s dumb creations, this one ranks second only to Bud Selig, but slightly ahead of the designated hitter.”

Norman Chad, syndicated columnist: “I seem to recall Jim Cramer touting Ryan Leaf to the Chargers back in 1998.”

Jeff MacGregor, ESPN.com: “What I find most unnerving so far are the mid-March debates about whether the NCAA tournament should be remade to look more like the BCS system. Aren’t the mid-January debates about the BCS system that it should be remade to look more like the NCAA tournament? In a case of such perfect circularity, shouldn’t we just swap the two formats on an alternate-year basis in order that all relevant parties be kept unhappy at all times?”

Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “Sesame Street laid off 20 percent of its workers, but a couple already have new jobs lined up. The Count hired on as A-Rod’s bookkeeper, Slimey the Worm became a boxing promoter, and Oscar the Grouch is Calhoun’s new UConn publicist.”

Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: “Did you see where the University of Florida wants to build a columbarium — a place where dead Gator boosters can have their cremated ashes stored on campus? There’s a catch, though: To build such a structure, UF would have to be licensed as a cemetery. Wait a minute, didn’t Florida Field become a graveyard years ago? It was called the Ron Zook Era.”

MEGAPHONE

“For every fan out there, this is for you, Even for those in the last 25 years when we haven’t made it, this one is for them.”

Morehead State center Kenneth Faried, after leading his team past Alabama State in the NCAA Tournament play-in game – which the NCAA insists is not really a play-in game, even thought it is.