A Royals Suggestion: Hire Bonds
Life is finally looking up for the Kansas City Royals. At 11-10, they are tied for first place in the American League Central a month into the season.
Zack Greinke has become the best starting pitcher in baseball, going 5-0 in April with a 0.50 earned-run average. On Missouri’s West Coast, fans can finally see hope for resurgence from this once-proud franchise.
So why did Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock have to suggest the club bring Barry Bonds back from exile? Why ruin a good thing?
He wrote: “While virtually every other steroid cheater continues to play the game without incident or much backlash, America’s home-run king is being treated like a heavyweight champion with the audacity to conscientiously object to the Vietnam War.”
Well, Muhammad Ali was in his athletic prime when his that protest derailed his career. Bonds is an old man now.
Baseball is a team sport, boxing is not. Bonds has been a famously disruptive teammate.
Boxing thrives on controversial figures. Baseball? Not so much.
Still, Mike Jacobs was just one of several Royals who told Whitlock they would welcome Bonds aboard.
“It’s unfortunate he’s not playing,” Jacobs said. “You hope it’s not some sort of collusion (by the owners). He’s no different from the other guys who were suspected of taking whatever. Obviously there’s something fishy with him not playing.”
MORE BAD STUFF ABOUT A-ROD
Sports Illustrated scribe Selena Roberts has a not-so-flattering Alex Rodriguez book coming out. Among the new allegations raised: That A-Rod started using steroids in high school and continued using all the way into his Yankees days.
“Was he on steroids in high school? I think probably so,” the ever-credible Jose Canseco told Roberts. “I worked out with him when he was 18. He could lift almost as much as I could.”
Among the lesser allegations, as passed along by the New York Daily News: A-Rod was hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15 percent.
Abusing steroids is one thing, but stiffing nursing students and aspiring models — man. that’s cold.
To nobody’s surprise, A-Rod is a big Bonds admirer.
GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT TO DUE
How come the scientists never take a bow for helping create these monsters?
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while wondering if Cards fans are ready to get off Chris Duncan’s back yet:
- Had slick-fielding Brendan Ryan not popped his hamstring, would he have kept sore-armed Khalil Greene to the bench?
- Will top shortstop prospect Tyler Greene make the most of his first big league tour?
- When was the last time the Cards developed two strong relief arms like Chris Perez and Jason Motte at the same time?
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Loved those ‘Natinals’ jerseys worn by Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman recently during a game. Funny, isn’t it, that the Nats would run out of O’s? I mean, they always seem to have plenty of them for the scoreboard.”
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Tom Cable recently said of the draft, ‘This is an exciting time for (the Raiders) because we have a chance to make our team better.’ Someone should tell Cable that all the other teams get to draft, too.”
Dwight Perry, Seattle Times: “Capt. Richard Phillips, the cargo-ship captain who spent five days being held hostage by Somali pirates, threw out the ceremonial first pitch before Sunday’s Yankees-Red Sox game in Boston. Guess it would’ve been asking a bit much to have him do it in Pittsburgh.”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Cal linebacker Zach Follett is a woodworker who shapes plywood into life-sized likenesses of his teammates. The creepy hobby is probably why he wasn’t drafted Saturday.”
Steve Schrader, Detroit Free-Press, on a Wrigley Field-themed mausoleum: “Can you imagine, if the Cubs ever break their current one-century slump, everybody rolling over at once?”
Jim Caple, ESPN.com: “The Yankees finally bowed to economic reality Tuesday and cut the prices of many of their highest-priced tickets in half. And I’m sure the Yankees’ phone lines are jammed with fans placing orders now that those $2,500 seats behind home plate are now a bargain-basement $1,250 apiece. ‘I mean, $2,500 was just a little out of my price range. But at $1,250? Are you guys serious? That’s only $101,250 for one seat for the season! How can I afford to turn that price down? Give me four! I want to bring my kids, too.’ Of course, if you already bought season tickets in the $2,500 section — raise your hands, we know you’re out there — you don’t get a price cut, but do get an equal number of seats in the section for free. Or your first child back.”
MEGAPHONE
“There’s more to stars meeting here, great hockey players meeting, there’s great personalities, strong personalities, there’s faces of the league that are clashing. That’s great for the league, great for the postseason.”
Penguins coach Dan Bylsma, discussing the looming Evgeni Malkin-Alexander Ovechkin playoff showdown with reporters.
Bonds isn’t playing because his knees are a time bomb. DH you say? He still has to run the bases. Bonds wants ludicrous money to DH and hobble around the bases while pissing off teammates and ruining clubhouse chemistry. That’s not collusion, that is the fulfillment of a lifetime of attitude and arrogance that Bonds himself has weaved into a bed he must now lie in.
Good win last night. Waino didn’t have his best stuff but still got it done, and the bullpen was solid. Another series victory. If you had told me the Cards would be 15-7 at this point I would have called you a moron. See what I know?
I think Bylsma was talking about Crosby and Ovechkin, not Malkin and Ovechkin…
Tim, just FYI, Bonds agent has said he would play for the league minimum….nobody is interested. His knees may be a time bomb, but it’s not about the money.
Yeah geez, I only follow hockey a little bit and even I knew he was talking about Crosby. What the H-E double hockey sticks! (pun intended)
I hope that wasn’t Gordo who wrote that line, he loses some serious credibility if so….Once again, no SW after a Cards win. That guy is such fat, steaming pile of know-nothing….Tim, you seem to have sense but I notice you agree with him a bit too often to truly be sane. I think that the guessers that he is really Slaten are right, and I guess that would make you Tim McKernan! LOL
Ummmmmmm…..oh boy, what am I gonna say today…..I hate it when the Cardinals win….this really makes my job tough…..oh…oh…how about…Go Cubs?
Let’s see…Royals still doing well, first place in the Central. What can they do to screw this one up? I can hear the conversation now. “Let’s get Bonds! Sweet! Screw over the clubhouse chemistry and have another horrible season.” Sounds like a Royals move to me. If this happened, too bad nobody would know about it since ESPN doesn’t know where Kansas City is.
It’s good to see the Cards start out on a great note. We’ll get Carp back at a great time whenever other pitchers are going to start their slump.
Why does Brendan Ryan lick his shoulder when he bats and plays the field?
Dude, it’s weird?
I will officially be ON the Duncan bandwagon as soon as he starts catching fly balls with both hands.
The Royals signing Barry Bonds will be the greatest idea since they signed Juan Gonzalez in 2004, or when the 2000 Dallas Mavericks signed Dennis Rodman….oh never mind.
In addition to the Ryan shoulder licking, it also gets a little annoying watching Skip undo and re-adjust his batting gloves afer every single pitch.
Since when is 15% the minimum tip, I thought it was zero. Unless, of course, you see some cash lying on an unattended table on your way out.
Hey 2020, I believe that Malkin is currently the top scoring forward for the Penguins and the top scorer of all teams during the playoffs, over Crosby. That’s the matchup he’s talking about…