Beat it Michael Jackson, just beat it! (From earth that is…..just like me!)

First grade’s out for SUMMER!!!!!

06.26.2009 6:47 am
Relax: Cubs, Brewers Scuffle Too
By Jeff Gordon
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The Cardinals were difficult to watch this week. They lost three of four games at New York and looked pretty bad doing that.

Even when they played well and pitched well, they didn’t hit. Their outfielders went cold — again.

Fortunately for them, the Brewers and Cubs stink too. Milwaukee has lost five of its last six games and 11 of its last 14.

The Small Bears have lost four consecutive games and nine of their last 14. The National League Central is not in a good place right now.

ChicagoTribune.com scribe Steve Rosenbloom had this take on the Cubs:

Last week, someone woke up Lou Piniella to tell him he might have to make “some tough decisions” regarding the lineup. Then the Cubs beat the White Sox in the first of three straight walkoffs that carried over against the Indians, one of the worst teams in the majors or at any level. And here we are again: The Cubs can’t hit, can’t win, and the manager is now threatening to pull names out of a hat and call it a lineup.

So, it’s sort of a case of deja Lou. Threatening lineup changes isn’t much different from threatening to draw names out of a hat, seeing as how both show more talk than action and add layers to the charges that Piniella has checked out, waiting for the cushy Steinbrenner La-Z-Boy. Maybe he read too much Gandhi in the off-season, but he’s become the human Quaalude at a time when urgency in voice and action is demanded.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while Big 12 forwards celebrate Blake Griffin’s graduation to the NBA:

Terrell Owens finally got around to apologizing for everything. About time!
Why did NHL player Jarret Stoll bail on actress Rachel Hunter two months before their wedding?
Why did this writer have to burst Elvis Grbac’s bubble?
What’s the deal with Ricky Rubio? Is he the next Pete Maravich or he is just a myth?
Did anybody else miss seeing Screamin’ A. Smith during ESPN’s NBA Draft coverage?
Let’s hope the Timberwolves didn’t screw up this draft, too.

FYI, this guy washed out of the NBA after a couple years and most recently played in Italy.

MICHAEL JACKSON IN BETTER TIMES

Tearing up the Super Bowl halftime show stage. The man did have skills.

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Jay Mariotti, FanHouse: “He’s accustomed to the NBA’s sunniest and most extravagant addresseNs, from Disney World to Hollywood to South Beach to the Arizona desert. Ontario Street in downtown Cleveland? Put it this way: Shaquille O’Neal will have to buy a winter coat, assume a less gaudy nickname (The Big Smokestack?) and watch courtside celebrities such as Jack Nicholson and Ludacris suddenly morph into Drew Carey. But there’s nothing ludicrous about this new development in his fascinating journey through basketball and life. Shaq is intelligent enough to realize, at 37, that even one season with the Cavaliers could have a profound impact on his legacy — and that of LeBron James. If Shaq wins his fifth NBA championship in a town that hasn’t won a title in a major sport since 1964, and he succeeds in keeping an ambitious native son in his native northeast Ohio, his work will be done.”

Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Plantar Fasciatis. High ankle sprain. Strained oblique. Those I get. But how did social anxiety disorder get to be the hot sports injury?”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “North Korea qualified for its first World Cup since 1966, after successfully firing three test missiles into the opponent’s goal.”

Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “The only thing sweeter than seeing (Donald) Fehr crumble in Washington when Congress held its steroid hearings was seeing (Bud) Selig grovel as he sat right next to him. It was like watching two kids sitting in the principal’s office after being caught selling the teachers’ answer sheets – for over a decade. If there was a Sports Hell Hall of Shame, Fehr is in on the first ballot. And he’s probably trying to convince potential Hell Hall members to unionize and hold out before induction ceremonies for maximum leverage.”

MEGAPHONE

“He is a force. Always has been, still is. He’s a wall around the basket — a tall, long wall. Offensively, he’s going to get double teamed. He’s a good passer. He’s a great receiver. . . . He’s a smart basketball player and he’s a guy that our guys will respect. I think it’s going to work very well.”

Cleveland Cavaliers GM Danny Ferry, on trading for Shaquille O’Neal

Someone should ban this “Josh ‘I’m Sloshed’ Hancock” character.

It seems the contending teams in the NL Central all have the tendency this season to get hot and cold at the time. Fascinating.

Could the moderator please remove tasteless, offensive comments like the one from Josh “I’m sloshed”? Actually the name he selected, which I’m sure he thinks is clever, is more offensive than the comment. That’s real class.

Is it me or is it that the Cubs suck because Lou is not a good manager? When he was at Cincy - Great players. Seattle - Amazing players. Cubs the past couple years - good players in their prime. Tampa Bay - Dog Sh** players, dog sh** seasons as a manager. Now the Cubs are not a cub club because they are old and the true colors are finally coming out on Lou. He is just not good at his job. Entertaining? Yes. Funny? Yes. The best explosions ever? Absolutely. Some of the best one liners? Yes. Good manager? No. TLR on the other hand makes lemon pie out of lemons. Now he is what you call a manager.

Good job Re Pete. At least now I know you can read since you caught my comment about you and Josh Cockless being 1st grade dropouts. You should run upstairs now and tell your mom how proud she should be…

…this stuff about the Cubs and Brewers is exactly what I was telling the lunatic fringe of front office haters before the season. there are no power teams in this league at all. Even Boston and LA have major holes and could easily take a Cubs/Angels type first round tumble in October because they’re more “marathon” teams than truly great…I think we could see some interesting champs the next couple years now that roids are so much less of a factor. for example, looking at the team top-to-bottom (and especially the starting rotation) did anybody at this time last year think the Phillies were definitely even in the top 4 of possible champs?

“Their outfielders went cold — again.” When were the Cardinals outfielders (with the exception of Rasmus) hot? I must have missed it, because I think you have to hit well for more than a couple of games here and there to qualify as hot. They aren’t “cold–again”, they’re “cold–still”.

Re Pete: What is the point of pasting Gordo’s entire column into the comments section? I guess you thought we needed to read it again?

WY: Agree 100%. “Sloshed” dude is an insensitive, classless jerk.

What’s the deal with Ricky Rubio? Something tells me he’s the next Darko Milicic.

Speaking of which, the Detroit Pistons sure blew their chance at a dynasty by drafting Milicic ahead of D-Wade, ‘Mello, or even Chris Bosh. If they didn’t win the ‘03-04 title, that pick would be mentioned right up there with Sam Bowie or even Ryan “Cryan” Leaf as terrible twos in draft history.

As for Shaq, would you like some turkey and potatoes with that gravy train your riding?

Yeah, Josh you are a bad, bad man!

Anyone want to go out and meet me up for my birthday?

If Josh and Leonard go partying I will volunteer to drive, I know how to speak to the authorities.