Can Shaquille O’Neal outslug Albert Pujols? Of course he can’t.

At the promotional news conference for his reality show “Shaq Vs.,” O’Neal admitted that hitting a baseball wasn’t one of his strengths.

But for the sake of reality TV, he will try. His show debuts on ABC on Aug. 18.

ABC executive John Saade had this to say about Shaq at a July news conference: “He’s very playful, almost everyone can relate to him. He has a fun sort of childish persona, and at the same time he’s a superstar. Our real hope is you come for the absurdity but you stay for the sport.”

Shaq will throw out the first pitch before tonight’s game against the Reds. And at some point this week he will challenge Albert.

Let’s hope he hits better than he wrestles. Speaking of absurdity . . .

WHITE SOX ADD TALENT, CUBS COLLECT INJURIES

The White Sox acquired Padres ace Jake Peavy, who should be able to pitch later this month. They also claimed Blue Jays outfielder Alex Rios on waivers, adding speed and power to their offense.

And the Cubs, well, they lost Carlos Zambrano to the disabled list due to back spasms. Monday starter Tom Gorzelanny went down with a foot contusion. Also, third baseman Aramis Ramirez is struggling with his nagging shoulder injury and may head back to the DL.

Are Chicago’s two franchises headed in opposite directions? Fans could get that impression from recent developments.

With All-Star pitcher Ted Lilly out for the year, the Small Bears are barrel scraping. Jeff Samardzija will take Zambrano’s place Wednesday.

“It makes it tough losing players all the time,” Cubs manager Lou Piniella told the Chicago Tribune. “We’re losing our top people. Our team has done a pretty good job of hanging in. But it would be nice to get a player or two off the disabled list and not put someone else on it.”

PHILLIES MAKE TITLE PITCH

The Phillies has a nice pitching surplus now that Pedro Martinez is joining the starting rotation.

It’s so nice, in fact, that manager Charlie Manuel can move 10-game winner Jamie Moyer to the bullpen and sent veteran Rodrigo Lopez back to Triple-A ball. Lopez beat the Cards 14-6 earlier this season, allowing three earned runs in six innings.

Both guys have earned-run averages over 5.00, but either guy could come in handy here. As Philadelphia Inquirer scribe Jim Salisbury noted, Manuel wasn’t eager to demote Moyer:

“Manuel would rather eat his shoe than hurt Moyer. The 46-year-old lefthander is one of the most revered people in the Phillies’ organization. That’s why the Phils asked him to speak at Harry Kalas‘ memorial service in the spring. Moyer has been a gift to the franchise and this city since arriving in August 2006. He has won ball games, mentored teammates, done marvelous charitable works, and been an all-around stellar person.”

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for Scott Rolen’s head to clear:

• When was the last time the Cards have the luxury of having proven hitters like Ryan Ludwick, Mark DeRosa and Julio Lugo come off the bench for a game?
• Doesn’t seem like just a few weeks back that the Cards started struggling batters by default?
• Now that Donnie Avery is down, can Keenan Burton stay healthy for a change?
• Could the Nuggets really afford to lose former Mizzou star Linas Kleiza to a Greek team?

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

David Whitley, FanHouse: “There are seven signs of the apocalypse. Not to be alarmist, but I think we hit at least six of them last week. Eli Manning became the NFL’s highest-paid player. He now makes $5 million more a year than Tom Brady, who has two more Super Bowl rings and one more supermodel wife than Eli. Other signs of impending doom: Four earthquakes hit California. LeBron James said he would not sign a contract extension (apocalyptic for Cleveland , anyway). Paula Abdul announced she would not sign a contract with American Idol (apocalyptic for her career, anyway). Two Russian subs were spotted off the East Coast. Steven Tyler fell off stage during an Aerosmith concert. Cuba announced an impending toilet paper shortage. Across the country, Town Hall meeting on health care turned into WWE Smackdowns. But in an encouraging development, no NFL team signed Michael Vick.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Snoop Dogg was a celeb visitor last week at the Baltimore Ravens’ training camp. Now the rapper is denying charges that he was spying for Bill Belichick.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “We used to talk about Jason Giambi’s biceps. Now we talk about his buyouts. The Yankees bought him out this year for $5 million, and the A’s will buy out next year’s option for $1.25 million (after releasing him last week). Am I the only one wondering what the record is in this category - the record for most consecutive seasons having your contract bought out? Giambi has gotta be getting close.”

DJ Gallo, ESPN.com: “The Pirates won three consecutive division titles from 1990 to 1992. Then, steroids exploded in Major League Baseball and the Pirates haven’t won again. They could have embraced steroids like the Red Sox and Yankees and won some titles. They could have dabbled in steroids like all the other teams and won some games. But they were better than that. Not out on the field, of course. Out on the field they were far, far worse. But inside they were better than that. Inside. In their heart. That’s where it matters. And that’s why we should support the Pirates.”

Phil Mushnick, New York Post: “The truth may be redundant and become boring, but it’s too valuable to be shouted down or eliminated. After all, if not for truth-seekers and truth-tellers, MLB players — and more than a few — by now might be hitting 85 home runs, being paid by the yard and being found dead in hotel rooms, two per month, like pro wrestlers. If the truth’s important, you can’t get tired of it. You can’t.”

MEGAPHONE

“If I think I can have one drink, I think I can have two, and then it snowballs to 10 or 12. This guy I knew, he always used to joke, ‘I’m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink it, I break out in orange jumpsuits and handcuffs.’ Some people it just doesn’t mix with, and I’m one of those people.”

Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton, on his relapse into alcohol abuse.