Former Rams star Torry Holt has fabulous hands. But the new Jacksonville Jaguars receiver also has a somewhat mangled digit, which he manages to play with.

His finger puts the jagged in Jaguar, as groaning reporters noted. His first big Jacksonville news conference sort of grossed people out.

SERENA BELIEVES IN SERENA

So who is the real queen of professional tennis?

Serena Williams, the world’s No. 2-ranked player, votes for herself. “We all know who the real No. 1 is,” she told a news conference at the Italian Open on Monday. “Quite frankly, I’m the best in the world.”

Top-ranked Dinari Safina shrugged off Serena’s claim.  “She can say this because she won many more Grand Slams than me,” Safina told reporters.

“But she’s also older than me so she has more experience. So let’s see when I’m her age how many titles I have and then we can say.”

Safina is four years younger than Williams and just hitting her prime. Her success speaks for itself.

“It’s not luck,” Safina said. “Nobody gave it to me. I played two Grand Slam finals and last year I won four titles. This didn’t come out of sky.”

SERENA’S NEXT CAREER

She has dabbled an acting and studied fashion. Now Williams wants to churn out some prose.

“I’ve been writing, but I haven’t been writing,” she said. “In my mind I’ve been saying I want to write, but I haven’t actually physically picked up a pencil and started writing,” the U.S. Open and Australian Open champion said.

“So that is my next challenge, to actually to sit down and do it. No [not my life story]. A screenplay. Nothing is impossible.”

NEXT BACK-UP FOR CHRIS MASON?

Here is a guy that John Davidson and Co. need to look at:

This commitment to excellence is something all athletes could learn from.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for Ryan Howard’s Monday night homer to come down:

• Although Joe Thurston’s speed and hustle are big bonuses for these Cards, shouldn’t he be a little more selective on the basepaths?
• Did the Cards find a little something with Blaine Boyer? Might Dave Duncan make something of him?
• Will Tony La Russa manage to get all eight relievers into a game one of these days?

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Dennis Rodman is ordered to pay $250,000 to a former casino employee for grabbing and humiliating her at work in ‘06. Does that mean he also owes money to 200 former NBA foes?”

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “Think of all the crap we deal with as fans. ‘Bulls-Celtics 2009’ explains why we put up with every story about (Roger) Clemens and (Barry) Bonds and Michael Vick and Terrell Owens and everyone else who conspires to make sports less fun. On the same day of Game 6, a story broke that Alex Rodriguez was allegedly seen with human growth hormone. The story was digested and consumed in the same predictably brief cycle: Mainstream Web sites and blogs and message boards and sports radio first, then ‘PTI’ and ‘Around the Horn,’ then ‘SportsCenter,’ then newspapers and magazines. You can either throw yourself into that cycle or look the other way. I am getting older. I just want to watch sports. I have trained myself to look the other way. This stuff clutters my brain, and not in a good way. I just want to watch sports. I just want to watch sports.”

Jason Whitlock, Kansas City Star: “Like Barry Bonds, A-Rod is a threat to surpass Babe Ruth (and Hank Aaron) on the home run chart. A-Rod, a Dominican, is the dominant player in a sport that is almost solely analyzed and defined by white American sports writers and broadcasters. It is not a coincidence that Bonds and Rodriguez have been portrayed as the worst teammates in the history of professional sports while Rogers Clemens’ and Mark McGwire’s teammate shortcomings were largely overlooked. When Clemens skipped games and road trips it was because he was a dedicated family man rather than a bad teammate.”

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “How Not to Start Your NFL Career: Missing your first rookie minicamp because you were hospitalized with dehydration, like the Vikings’ Percy Harvin. That reminds me. Minnesota is discussing signing free agent Brett Favre, leading to speculation that the people running the Vikings are drunk.”

Peter King, SI.com, on Brett Favre: “I know you’re sick of this story. We all are. But my gut feeling is Favre never completely got this Vikings fixation out of his system. Now we wait for the smoke signals from chimneys in Eden Prairie, Minn., and southern Mississippi, to see if Favre wants to play again, and to see if the Vikings want him. If he returns, the dream game of this season won’t be Pats-Colts. It’ll be Vikings-Packers. Twice.”

Steve Rosenbloom, Chicago Tribune.com: “Bears fans ought to love the rumor that Brett Favre will come out of retirement to throw interceptions for the Vikings as he tries to stick it to the Packers, specifically Packers general manager Ted Thompson. That’s the first reason Bears fans should like this soap opera. Whatever those crazy northern kids want to do in their hissing match along the border, go right ahead. It’s all the distractions you can eat.”

MEGAPHONE

“You won’t see any fat boys in hockey. And in hockey, you want to fight, let’s go fight. You get a two-minute penalty. In baseball, you get a 10-day suspension.”

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, according to the Chicago Tribune.