These are interesting times on the North Side of Chicago. While the Cardinals are welcoming gritty ex-Cub Mark DeRosa into the fold, the Small Bears are coming apart at the seams.

Staff ace Carlos Zambrano blew up again Sunday during a 6-0 loss to the White Sox. His detonation prompted this admonishment from Chicago Tribune baseball columnist Phil Rogers:

“Get Carlos Zambrano out of here, even if the Cubs have to give him away. He’s not the guy you want as the ace of a curse-busting team, and at this point, it’s wishful thinking that he’ll ever mature into that guy.”

Beleaguered Cubs manager Lou Piniella had to quell another Milton Bradley outburst Friday night. He sent the mercurial “outfielder” home early, dismissing him with an impolite remark that found its way to media types.

The next day, Piniella apologized for calling Bradley a “piece of (bleep)” during their run-in.

“I told him it wasn’t right, and I apologized for it,” Piniella told reporters. “But I also told him we just can’t continue to have the shenanigans that we’ve put up with. I told him he’s going to hurt somebody. He’s going to hurt himself. But I did apologize for that last comment.”

He was miffed that comment got out, but that’s life in the Second City.

Here is how Tribune blogger Steve Rosenbloom summed things up:

“The Cubs are in chaos. They look abysmal. They can’t play baseball. Forget the distractions of a manager kicking his own player out of the park with a pottymouth insult and the whining about visiting clubhouse leaks. It wouldn’t happen or matter if they could play baseball. But they can’t play baseball right now.

“This has surpassed messy, hit atrocious and is headed for disaster.”

The Cubs dearly miss DeRosa’s leadership and production. Their high-priced outfield of Bradley, Alfonso Soriano and Kosuke Fukudome (combined contracts exceeding $200 million) isn’t coming close to getting the job done offensively or defensively.

And Steve Bartman remains in hiding.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

Questions to ponder while waiting for Chris Pronger to throw his first hip check for the Flyers:

• With DeRosa willing to take the heat in the No. 4 hole, will Ryan Ludwick finally relax and hit to his ability?
• Isn’t it interesting that Ludwick, Rick Ankiel and Chris Duncan went a combined 4 for 9 during DeRosa’s first game as a Cardinal?
• Don’t we need to keep interleague play going so the White Sox-Cubs rivalry can remain strong?
• Will Eagles receiver Hank Baskett ever top this catch?

MILESTONE FOR RIVERA

Never mind his 500th career save. Mariano Rivera was raving about his first career RBI Sunday.

“I had one thing in mind — just try to do something,” Rivera said of his rare at bat with men on base. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely special.”

QUIPS ‘R US

Here is what some of our nation’s leading sports pundits have been writing:

Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Shaquille O’Neal joined LeBron James in Cleveland in a major draft-day trade. Perfect. Now Shaq can try to claim credit for LeBron, too, the way he did with Kobe Bryant and (Dwyane) Wade.”

Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Evander Holyfield is facing foreclosure on his mansion in suburban Atlanta. The house has 109 rooms, including 17 bathrooms, three kitchens and two Starbucks. It’s sad. That place cost Holyfield an arm and a leg and two ears. Holyfield is so desperate, he might have to fight Jose Canseco.”

Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Chalk up another missed green for John Daly. Only in this case, the green he’ll be missing is the nearly $272,000 in legal fees a judge has ordered him to pay after dismissing Daly’s libel suit against the Florida Times-Union. For the record, the last time Long John won a check that large on the PGA Tour was in October 2005, when he was runner-up to Tiger Woods in the American Express Championship. The next time you’re trying to defend your honor, John, I’d suggest pistols at 20 paces - or better yet, utility clubs. It’s a lot cheaper.”

Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “Trust me: It’s the worst (NBA) draft class since the infamous Kenyon Martin Draft in 2000. If I had to bet my life on any 2009 prospect becoming a top-three player on a championship team, I’d bet on Blake Griffin, Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry. That’s it. You’d remember this draft as Suckapalooza 2009 someday if it hadn’t happened on the same day we lost Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. Only the Clippers could have the No. 1 pick on a day like this, right?”

MEGAPHONE

“Well, I figured out this sport is a rollercoaster. I go up and down, up and down, up and down. … One week you can win and the next week you can be 43rd.”

19-year-old Joey Logano, after winning his first Sprint Cup race.