Here it is, my live, minute by minute account of the “Idol” finale. Didn’t watch? I guarantee you’ll feel as if you were there — torture, tedium and all.

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Mmm, cheesy. A lot of the production gimmicks this season…

Watching Tuesday night’s final performances, I realized it’s pointless to spend any more time and energy discussing whether David A. or David C. is better and should win. They are so different from each other, and will have such different…

Anybody surprised?

Proving I could not be a judge on this show (not that I was much of a contender to replace Paula anyway), the performance I liked best Tuesday night was Syesha’s “Fever.” Which was dismissed by all — but if…

Final performances tonight; I guess most of us are expecting Syeshia to go home this week, setting up the long-anticipated David Cook-David Archuleta final. Meanwhile, I haven’t kept up with the controversy over David A.’s father reportedly being banned from…

No surprise that Jason Castro was eliminated — and have you ever seen anybody so glad to go? He even sang “I Shot the Sheriff” again so nobody could possibly miss him. I pictured him going backstage afterward, ripping off…

You never know how the vote will go at this point. He’s a cute boy with beautiful eyes and a sweet smile. But he was horrible (I think Simon said horrendous) Tuesday night. Why would he even try “I Shot…

Not really; Brooke did go home. But it was kind of a given that she wouldn’t be the next “American Idol” and that she’d probably lasted several weeks too long. And her exit leaves the three strongest competitors (David, David…

At least, I didn’t see it coming, and I don’t think most people who posted on the subject of “American Idol” yesterday did either.

First, the Davids are declared safe. No surprise there.

Then, a pair: Brooke and Carly. And…

What do I know? But I did think he was awfully good on “Music of the Night,” from “Phantom of the Opera,” on Andrew Lloyd Webber night — a theme that must have been chilling for everybody but David Archuletta…