Here’s our gal Phyllis Smith on the red carpet for the Emmys. That’s her cousin from Chicago with her.

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Half an hour into the red-carpet Emmy shows, comfortably settled on my pink couch, I keep contemplating the same question: Who’s more annoying — Ryan Seacrest or Lisa Rinna? Seacrest, who will also co-host the Emmy show (and for all I know designed some of the stars’ dresses and possibly did hair and nails) seems especially full of himself tonight. But when he’s by himself on his little E! platform, actually interviewing arrivals, at least he sticks to the subject of, er, TV. Over on the TV Guide Network, Rinna is all “me, me, me.” I’m not sure what’s worse, her not being interested (and practically shoving people off the platform to get to the next one) or being too interested (she told Zeljko Ivanek from “Damages” that “I’m crazy for you” even though she couldn’t pronounce his name). She talked about her kids’ school and spent like 5 minutes asking Lisa Edelstein (”House”) to explain what a vegan is. Her sidekick, Joey Fatone, doesn’t get to talk much, which you understand when he does such stuff as congratulate himself for having been in Norway with an actor from “Breaking Bad.”

So, although I’m casting my vote for Rinna as being more annoying than Seacrest, I feel the need to click back and forth between the two channels because you never know who’ll be more annoying at the moment. None of this interview BS is what I much enjoy anyway. I’d be perfectly happy just to watch people arriving as some omniscient voice informed me who it was and whom he/she was with, and then some snarky people commented on the clothes. In other words, what I want is the post-show “Fashion Police,” the night after on E!

When 6 o’clock came, I clicked over to the Jimmy Kimmel pre-show on ABC, but it turned out not to be a pre-show but just Jimmy doing random interviews. (Is Michael Phelps up for an Emmy?) This is really a buzz kill. Annoying is looking good about now.

So Rinna says to Patrick Dempsey, after offering too much information about what her breasts look like wet: “You’re presenting tonight. You’re not presenting. Oh, you are. … You were so nice to my mother … Are you loking forward to anything tonight? … I’m going to throw to Joey.”

Fatone to Cheryl Hines: “Here’s something you don’t know about me.” (Seriously.) Apparently, they both worked at Florida theme parks once. So did Joey’s brother-in-law. I am riveted.

Rinna has Rick Schroeder. Wonder if she knows his wife, Andrea, is on “Top Design.” Apparently not. Oh my gosh, Andrea is wearing the Daniel Franco (”Project Runway”) dress from last week’s “Top Design” crossover challenge!!! Now, that’s a tidbit. Eventually, Ricky makes sure she gets to mention it. But it doesn’t look quite as good on her as it did on the mannequin.

On E!, Giuliana Rancic (right up there on the annoying charts) is asking everybody where they keep their Emmys. That must have seemed really fresh the first time (say, back in the ’70s) somebody thought of it. Now, it’s tiresome. Who cares if yours are on a shelf in your office?

Ah, there’s Brad Garrett on the red carpet. I’m feeling a bit cranky with Brad. I was supposed to do a Q&A with him for GO in advance of his concert here, and to prepare, I actually watched two episodes of “Til Death,” an hour I’ll never get back. Then he stood me up, and after that he canceled on St. Louis. How does a performer realize a week before a concert in a 1,600-seat space, with a top ticket price of $100, that he has a schedule conflict? Seems fishy to me.

But I digress. It’s 6:40 and the arrivals are fast and furious. On E!, Seacrest is interviewing Holly Hunter. She was so, so weird at a Turner Networks party in July, refusing to do interviews (when interviews were the point) and in general behaving oddly.

While E! and TVG are in commercials, I check back in with Kimmel. The point of this special continues to elude me, except that it’s his take on the Barbara Walters specials. Again, it makes me suffer Seacrest gladly.

Back to TVG just in time to see Jon Hamm arrive with his longtime (LONG, longtime) girlfriend, Jennifer Westfeldt. He looks very suave, more Don Draper than little Jonny from St. Louis. Rinna tells him, “You’re going to win!” She adds that she’s not supposed to say stuff like that. He kisses her hand and she swoons. “I’ve got to pull myself together.”

Seacrest has ditched E! and headed inside to get ready for the show. Hopefully, he’ll have time to shower, since they keep saying how hot it is. Fatone is talking to Tim Gunn when Teri Hatcher shoves her way onto the platform and gushes about how much she loves him. (Gunn, not Fatone.) This wouldn’t seem odd except that previously she shoved her way into an interview somebody was doing with Lisa Edelstein. Is Hatcher that needy? Does she get there hours early and just try to be interviewed as much as possible? Is she now, at 6:58, talking to some high school newspaper from Pasadena while her handlers try to drag her into the Staples Center?

And speaking of dragging, it’s time to drag myself over to Microsoft Word, tearing myself away from blogging to write about the Emmy show, now underway. Check out my story in the Monday PD or on STLtoday.com.