Life Sherpa: Welcome back boys and girls. Time for another Q&A with Life Sherpa. We have some questions in the hopper, and we will get to them in a sec. But let's get some live-action drama going as well.

Stressed out: Hey Sherpa,

I have a problem. I love my wife dearly and she is the greatest thing in the world to me. However, there are periods where I cannot live in the same state with her. If she doesn't like how I do a mundane task like folding laundry (folding towels in thirds, instead of fourths; stacking cloths at random, versus coordinating the way the stripes lay), she says I'm doing it wrong and shoves me aside to do it all over. Shouldn't she just be grateful to have a man who is willing to help fold a load of laundry or two? It seems that way with everything I do. I do some task differently than her; I'm doing it wrong and I have altered the time-space continuum, raised the dead, coaxed cats and dogs to live together in harmony, created all out chaos. She will verbally berate me over these littlest things to the point where I feel like there must be something mentally wrong with me and I should seek professional help; I have seriously considered so, many times.

All I ever want to do is please her and make her happy, but if my very breathing pattern is going to send her on another tirade what am I to do?

Life Sherpa: Well, let's say this first: You can't stop breathing. That won't help your relationship at all. She may be fine with that, but my guess is that you won't find it so much fun.
One choice is obvious: Let her start folding ALL the towels and stack ALL the clothes.
And I don't think that you, and you alone, should be considering seeking professional help

judy jacques: On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being most possible, do you believe in the possibliity of a man lying to himself about sex outside of marriage, believing it's strictly sex for sex sake, no love envolved, when he's really searching for lost feelings of love. Do most men, in your opinion, put duty ahead of love because love is so confusing and more mysterious and duty is not? Thank you.

Life Sherpa: Well, I have to go with a 10 because when you combine "men" and "sex", anything is possible. So it's quite likely that a man is looking for lost feelings of affection, or it could be just for sex, or some combination thereof.
I can't say if men are more attuned to duty or love, but I can agree that love is far more complicated. It's the quantum mechanics of emotions.

Nancy McSpadden: Dear Life Sherpa,

Why would men rather play a game of basketball game than go to a dinner party?

Life Sherpa: You're making it easy, Nancy.
Simply put, to most men playing basketball (or any competitive game, short of live-pistol dueling) is more fun than going to a dinner party. Dinner is something you can eat WHILE watching a basketball game. And with little doubt in my mind, the dinner party was invented by women so they could size up other women's clothes and fashion, which is a female version of competition.
Guys love sports. Why is that such a hard concept to grasp?

paul: Sherpa.
I have trouble sleeping with my wife. You know, the old fashioned kind where you close your eyes and wake up 8 hours later. She steals my covers and doesn't like the ceiling fan or music (I've even tried Enya).

Should I make her sleep on the couch from now on or will that doom me to the doghouse? A guy's got to get his shut eye.

-Signed bleary-eyed

Life Sherpa: Make her sleep on the couch? God luck with that Bleary. Write me back when she's camped out on the sofa. You will be my Life Sherpa "Man of the Month."

Caroline Andrews: Dear Life Sherpa,

I'd like to know why men have trouble asking women questions and would prefer to just talk about themselves.

Life Sherpa: An excellent question, Caroline. Probably, it's because we find ourselves so darn interesting. Refering back to the "guys love sports" answer of a few minutes ago, men tend to see all of life's events as competitions. So a man on a date with a woman, whether he knows it or not, is playing the game of "impress the woman." The more he talks about himself (in a positive light of course), the better you will (or should) like him.
It takes years of unsuccessful dating for men to realize this. And some never do.

Matt: What is it with girls needing time to figure out what they want? I was recently dumped by my girlfriend of 5 months who said she needs time. When talking with a friend, she said she's done that twice to her boyfriend already and thought mine would come back. I hope she's right, but I don't share her confidence. Any thoughts?

Life Sherpa: First thought: Tell her to take all of the time she needs.
Second thought: Start dating other people
Third thought: She very well may be putting you on the bench so she can see what else is on the dating market.
Fourth thought: Never let anyone put you on the clock

southside hoosier girl: So, Sherpa,

What do you make of this whole Roger Clemens thing?

Life Sherpa: Why the nerve of people thinking that Roger Clemens, or Barry Bonds, or Mark McGwire, used steroids. Why, that would be cheating. I think they are all innocent and everyione else has simply "misremembered" the facts.

john: When I go to the gym I see the same people working out all of the time.. The problem is no one seems to be getting any thinner. I wonder if everyone else is thinking the same thing as they are working out?

Life Sherpa: I'm just trying not to pass out, and thinking that I wish I was 25 again

michael: Dear Sherpa,

Rachel or Monica or Phoebe?

Mike

Life Sherpa: The modern version of the Ginger-Mary Ann question. Thank you:

1. Phoebe

2. Monica

3. Rachel

Skinnier does NOT equal better

Just wondering: All my past boyfriends have told me I'm the most amazing girlfriend they've ever had (to date, of course). So if they've got it so good why do they do stuff to mess it all up?

Life Sherpa: I need more specs, Just. Like what exactly do they do that messes things up?

Maria: If men like being in the driver's seat why do they assume their women are to make all the plans?

Life Sherpa: I'm going to go out on a limb here.
I think most women THINK their husband is an equal partner in plans on what to do. In fact, it's usually something that the woman wants to do, and men go along because it's a whole lot easier than arguing about it -- like throwing a dinner party, or going to a dinner party.
Subconsciously, a lot of men wish a lot of women would simply drop a lot of the plans they devise.

Uncle Jerry: Life Sherpa,

I'm an old-fashioned sort of guy. I love whosome fun and adventure, the basics are what provides me with true happiness.

I have a problem with my woman. She is hands off with the kids: junk food, enormous wardrobes, super-weeklong-b-day-parties, anytime bedtime, cell phones, text messages, dirty dancing, etc, etc, etc...

She says I'm extreme, but I'm all for hearing her compromises, except she has none. She says I'm all or nothing. I just want moderation!!! But she won;t hear that. She almost always answers my direct questions with questions back to me. She almost always points-out issues with me in defending the inquiry I have just made. I get nowhere, excpet frustrated that the kids are not developing any sort of humbleness. Core values that this country has lost, are being lost at my house - which appauls me.

Valentines Day, is not for me this year. Is it time I call it quits and move on?

Life Sherpa: I'm confused: Who's doing the dirty dancing, your woman or your children. (Obviously, it's a lot bigger problem if it's your children.)And who's buying them enormous wardrobes?

Without these answers, it's kind of hard to answer you. But it does sound like she has little clue as to what a parent is supposed to do. Some professional family counseling might be in order before you decide to call it quits.

Just wondering: Sherpa, variations of excuses such as: I need my space, I don't know what I want, or I'm confused. They often initiate the breakup (or do something stupid so I'll do it for them), then come crawling back later for forgiveness (which, oftentimes, is a bit too late for me to accept). Is that enough specs?

Life Sherpa: Did you see the question from "Matt" who said his girlfriend broke up with him and said she needed time?
Such behavior, like "I need some space" or "I don't know what I want" can be translated to this:
"I think I found a guy/girl who might be better than you. So I want to go check that action out, and if it doesn't pan out, I'll be back."
I told Matt to never let anyone put him on a clock. I'm glad to hear that often times, you don't take them back.

Physco: I have a very "unique" relationship with my wife. We are the most un-married married couple I know. we only do together things with the kids, otherwise, we each do our own thing. i am wanting to do more things with the wife and when I suggest or bring up the topic, she relates evrything to the kids. Sex is non-existant in our house fo rthe last 2 years and when she does go out, she is out for longer and longer periods of time. I do not think she is cheating on me, but I cannot get this out of my head and I have not seen any evidence of this, not that I have really been looking for it either due to my trust in her.

any ideas???

Life Sherpa: Sex is non-existent for two years? Do you jog a lot?
If you trust your wife, then keep trusting her. But you need to ask her the very same question you asked me. Time to stop with "unique" and switch to point-blank.

Life Sherpa: By the way, before I forget, we'll be doing this again in two weeks: Wednesday, March 5 -- same Sherpa time (1 p.m.), same Sherpa channel.
And don't forget to tell your family and friends (and even those you don't care about) that the Life Sherpa column runs every Tuesday in the Here & Now section. You can e-mail me questions as well -- at jholleman@post-dispatch.com
There, nothing makes me feel better than some shameless self-promotion

terry: My woman says you give bad advice. I insist you are a wise prophet with impeccable manly insight. Who's right?

Life Sherpa: terry, does your wife know we're talking?
Anyway, the obvious answer is that I am a wise prophet. Admittedly, all of my "insights" come from being a guy. It's all I know. I tried getting in touch with my feminine side once, but heels kill my back.
But I also can see why women think I give bad advice, for a lot of times it is advice they don't want to hear.
Abby and Ann and Oprah have been giving advice for years, and a lot of times it seemed like "bad" advice to men.
They have their biases, and I have mine.
So, gosh darnit Terry, you are right !!

Life Sherpa: One final note to Paul before we sign off until March 5:

Don't ever admit in front of other guys that you listen to Enya

michael: man, Uncle Jerry, get to a therapist quick.

Sherpa, I've been reading the little blurb under your picture on line here. I want to know, how do you you break up with Angelina Jolie (and live to tell about)?

Life Sherpa: It was easy. I just told her I hated kids and that her brother was ugly.