'Rob,' 7:30 p.m. Thursdays on CBS
One and a half stars
The third entry in this month's Trilogy of Terrible TV Sitcoms (after "Work It" and "Are You There, Chelsea?") is a sad case.
The comedy about a mild-mannered landscape architect (Rob Schneider) who marries into a close Mexican-American family is cliched, witless and repeatedly offensive, embarrassing for all involved.
Oddly enough, Schneider -- one of the most annoying actors working -- isn't the very worst thing about the show, which premieres tonight. But he still has to take responsibly; the whole thing was inspired by own marriage to a Mexican TV producer, and he gets writing and producing credits.
In the opening, Rob returns from his quickie wedding to gorgeous Maggie (Claudia Bassols), who is young, tall, busty and clearly way out of his league. She's also hot for him, hot enough to have married him after just six weeks.
But the honeymoon is over almost before it starts. She wants him to come with her to tell her parents. (He informed his own via text.)
And that's where the going gets very rough. "These people -- they're all Mexican?" he wonders. Why yes, they are, including her father (Cheech Marin), an immigrant who built his own car-wash business but now opposes immigration and yet employs illegals. ("Between 100 of them, I think they have, like, three Social Security numbers.")
Maggie's mother (Diana Maria Riva) refers to her new son-in-law as a gardener and says she wishes "you people" wouldn't use leaf blowers. A visiting relative doesn't intend to return to Mexico and steals from everyone.
Schneider gives himself such lines as "I feel like I'm at a Julio Iglesias concert" and "big family -- now I know what's going on during all those siestas." Prepare to cringe as he adds a reference to Roman Catholicism and birth control.
If that's not enough, and surely it should have been, Rob winds up in his wife's grandmother's bedroom, destroys her shrine to her late husband and -- I'll spare you the rest of this horribly unfunny scene. But it does include the line, "I poured hot wax on my genitals." The laugh track roars.
Yes, "Rob" is a scream, and not in a good way. Inexplicably, CBS thinks enough of the show to pair it with "The Big Bang Theory" on Thursdays. Ay caramba.