Color is magic — not always in a good way. I know from experience: All I have to do is put on an article of clothing in harvest gold and, shazam! My face turns splotchy, mottled, ghastly pale with a faint greenish cast, like something you'd expect to find under a rock.

It makes me wonder why people buy books that tell them what colors they should and shouldn't wear. Don't they have mirrors?

I suspect they're hoping the author will come up with some color it's never before occurred to them to wear, that will magically make them look way more fabulous than they ever imagined possible.

OK, I admit it: That's what I'm always hoping for: a magic-bullet color that can make me look effortlessly great even on bad hair days, fat days, flu days, blue days. Who's to say it's not out there somewhere? Puce maybe. I've never tried wearing puce. (Mainly because I can never remember what color it actually is.) Or maybe a mussel-y iridescent purplish navy? Semi-unripe honeydew? Tooth-powder pink?

How does a person find this magic-bullet color? In InStyle's April color issue, Pantone color guru Leatrice Eiseman suggests you select sweaters in several different colors from one of the racks at your favorite local clothing store, take them over to a mirror by a window (natural light is crucial), and hold them up to your face one by one to see which one makes you look alive.

If that sounds too easy, there's David Zyla's "The Color of Style," which promises to help you find "your true colors — the exact tone, shade and intensity that will bring out the best in you," and will:

• Attract love.

• Enhance your power.

• Restore your energy.

• Make a lasting impression.

• Show the world who you really are.

Sounds good, no? According to Zyla's system, developed over the course of a long and successful (four Emmy awards) career as a costume designer, each of us has eight "true colors." Your energy color is the darkest color in the iris of your eyes (but not the color of the dark ring around the iris). Your tranquil color is the shade of the lightest flecks in your eyes. Your dramatic color is the shade of blue, green or purple you see in your veins. Your romantic color is the shade of red of your fingertip when you pinch it. Your essence color, an alternative to white, is the shade that harmonizes your skin tones and makes your face glow. And then there are your three base colors, neutral shades derived from the shade of the dark ring around the iris of your eyes and the lighter shades of your hair.

OK, I have brown eyes, but when I try to see the darkest and lightest colors of my iris, what I mostly see is the reflection of the mirror. Wait — is that a greenish halo? Or more blue? Is the darkest color a reddish brown? But I look awful in reddish brown. The ring around the iris could be dark gray, but sometimes it looks more navy.

And that's only the beginning. Next you have to figure out which season you are, and then you have to go on and claim your "archetype." Are you a "Vital Spring" — i.e., a prom-queen type like Rachael Ray or Susan Lucci, drawn to Chanel boucle jackets and blouses with pearl buttons? Or an Early Spring playful-princess type like Gwyneth Paltrow, perfect in a pastel polished-cotton trench coat? Or a Floral Spring, or a Buoyant Spring, or a Mischievous Spring, or a Tawny Spring? Or maybe you're a "cool, put-together" Classic Summer like Grace Kelly or Scarlett Johansson or Beyonce Knowles, who should wear classic drapey things reminiscent of the garments worn by Greek goddesses. Or a Dusky Summer earth-mother type like Maggie Gyllenhaal, drawn to cozy knits and jerseys.

Zyla firmly believes that your coloring isn't just about how you look; it's about who you are. "Our coloring is a map of our personality," he told me. So wearing your true colors isn't just about looking good; it's about being authentically who you are.

Which I have to say seems far-fetched. What — except watching too much TV, or working in television — would make you think people with similar coloring have similar personalities? It's only on TV and in the movies, after all, that the sweet ingenues are inevitably petite and blond with wide, unsuspecting blue eyes, and the top executives all have firm jawlines, and the mother-obsessed psychotic slasher has to be wiry and dark and jumpy like Tony Perkins, so you can tell he's the murderer.

I bet you anything that Zyla, after years of doing this for the likes of Susan Lucci, could take one look at me and tell you what colors I should and shouldn't be wearing. (For one thing, he could look into my eyes without seeing the reflection of my magnifying mirror.) I just can't believe the results would have all that much to do with whether I'm more of a prom queen or a sensuous backpacker, impish or highly intellectual, ladylike like the Early Springs, loyal and hardworking like the Gamine Autumns, or a drama queen like the Renaissance Summers.

Write to Patricia McLaughlin c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106 or patsy.mcl@verizon.net.