Hello, Carolyn • I have a co-worker in her 30s who is married, looking for a house in the suburbs, planning to have a baby, etc., and she is constantly asking me inappropriate questions.

I am in my 30s and haven't taken a traditional path in that I am not married, and live alone in the city. I am not sure if she is 'sizing me up," curious about my life choices or just plain nosy. When I have mentioned guy friends, she will ask why I haven't considered any of them romantically, as if I should consider any male as a potential prospect.

I am starting to think my openness and friendliness are working against me. I feel like I need to set boundaries.

Just wanted to know how you would address this poor etiquette and how I can keep a healthy distance from co-workers. — The Open Book

Answer • When you think you're in a conversation about kittens, it's a little odd to field a question about coconuts.

You have a colleague who is socially challenged, to put it mildly. That's it. There's no connection between that and the advisory tendencies of married women in the workplace. She's being a jerk, not a spokesjerk for the Married Suburban Mothers Consortium, and if you were a married mom she'd be commenting inappropriately about something else.

About those married moms: Married couples with children make up 20 percent of households, and people living alone account for 28 percent, per the Census Bureau. Who's the circus freak?

I offer this to address the self-perception problem I detect in your letter, though there'd be no need to defend your choices even if they put you in the slimmest of minorities.

That trims your problem down to the very limited one of a boorish colleague, which warrants an equally limited solution. Let your discomfort show you the line where "open and friendly" ends and boundaries begin.

Then, use polite but firm non-answers for everything over that line.

For example: For too-personal questions, try, "I'll pretend you didn't just ask me that." For unsolicited advice, try, "Thanks for your concern" — and if it comes out as a slight non sequitur, even better. For the more shocking or judgmental remarks, try, "Wow." A true assassin will say these to her with a smile.

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