There is no quicker path to geezerville than to start telling stories about the good ol' days.
But there's something about this particular holiday that makes me want to gather up the children and spook them with stories about how Halloween used to be celebrated. In fairness, was Halloween better before the $5 billion Halloween Industrial Complex took over the party?
Oh, you bet your Wonder Woman wrist cuffs it was.
Here are 10 ways in which the ghosts of Halloweens past haunt our memories.
1. Costumes could be thrown together at the last minute by scrounging through your parents' closets and your mother's makeup drawer. It may seem hard to believe, but many of us had to pull together our own costumes, and in the case of large families, the costumes of our younger siblings, as well. A co-worker described the classics: You could wear your dad's shirt and a pair of pants, dirty up parts of your face and go as a bum. For added effect, tie a tablecloth on a tree branch. Or, put on a pair of footed-pajamas, wear your hair in pigtails, grab a pacifier or bottle and go as a baby. If your mom still had her once-chic wardrobe from the 1970s, well, you just hit the jackpot.
2. Our costumes may have been cheap, but there was no outright begging. You could not throw on a hat over jeans and a sweatshirt and claim to be in costume. You had to display some effort and creativity.
3. Parents did not trick-or-treat with their school-age children. It may be hard to fathom, but many a parent let their grade schoolers loose on the neighborhood streets at night. We traveled in packs, but there were nowhere near as many adults on the road.
4. We did not carry designer or themed buckets to collect candy. A pillowcase or brown paper bag sufficed.
5. Halloween did not last an entire week. It was contained to a single night. These days, every store in the mall, every bank and grocery store is throwing candy at you. There are "trunk or treat" events at churches and schools. There are Halloween parties in neighborhoods and with classmates. What used to be a one-day affair had turned into a weeklong binge.
6. Our costumes may have been scarier, but our reality seemed much safer. The frightening danger that terrified parents back then was razor blades in apples. There may have only been a dozen cases of this actually happening in the early 1980s, but it traumatized us all. Now, we can worry about which addresses are on the sex offender registry.
7. Young girls did not show up dressed like they forgot half the costume at home. None of the trick-or-treaters that showed up at our house as children prompted the questions that crosses our minds today: What are these parents thinking?
8. Halloween didn't spark the holy outrage that it does now. Perhaps because it was not as culturally significant, but there wasn't the sort of Halloween backlash you hear about today.
9. We stayed on our own block. We did not cherry pick neighborhoods to trick-or-treat based on candy quality.
10. We were not as obese as you guys. Handing out mini Snickers did not involve guilt trips from the first lady. Nowadays, I know more parents that throw away their kids' candy rather than let them eat it. Yes, people are throwing away perfectly good candy! Scary.
But even for those of us who grew up in the heyday of All Hallows' Eve, there have been a few improvements to this celebrations: We have our own children to dress up. And now, you're not the only ones who get to have fun: With elaborate costumes, parties and bonfires, grown-ups own this holiday.
