When attempts to get pregnant failed, Colleen Carlton and her husband, Rob, did something they had always wanted to do: adopt. Little did they know at the time that their decision would lead to two children, born just two months apart.

Why did you and your husband decide to adopt?

Rob and I always knew we always wanted to adopt. Our original plan was to have a biological child of our own and then adopt. When our attempts to have a biological child through fertility treatments, IUI (intrauterine insemination) and finally IVF (in vitro fertilization), failed, we stopped beating ourselves up about treatments and went straight to adoption.

We first did research online, which just made me sad and bitter, but then we met with Tammy Beidle with Adoption Haven, and she told us the realities of adoption and to stay off the adoption message boards.

I went to a wellness retreat for a few days to work through the fertility trauma, and when I came back we got our paperwork in order and were matched right away. That situation fell through, but as it turned out, the universe had bigger plans for us.

 

How did PJ's adoption come about?

We met PJ's birth mother through a friend who told us his birth mother was pregnant and looking to place. We were really lucky to be able to accompany her to all of her remaining doctor appointments. The day she gave birth, we were at the appointment where she was expecting to find out she would have to wait two weeks to be induced, but it turned out she was 4.5 centimeters dilated and PJ was on his way. We were so lucky to be there for his first breath, and Rob was able to cut the cord.

 

Did you always want two children?

We always knew we wanted two children, but if you ask my husband, he wants to fill up the house with more babies and puppies.

 How did Poppy's adoption come about?

In Missouri, it takes six months to finalize an adoption. We waited until that six-month point with PJ, and then started up our paperwork again. Everything was complete in early June, and we got the call about Poppy in mid-July. Our adoption agency called and said there was a 7-month-old girl that was a few hours away. She was healthy and was ready to be placed. We were shocked and had to ask to call them back. We were so excited.

We felt this was the perfect situation for us. We had experienced PJ's perfect birth, love his birth mother so much and cannot imagine having that same experience with someone else. Plus we would not have to worry about traveling out of state or having additional birth mother expenses. We called them back right away and headed out to meet our little girl.

Poppy had been in foster care, and we met up with the family. She was crying and had not been eating well. We dropped everything; Rob made her a bottle, she drank it down and fell asleep in his arms. It was like she was finally home in Daddy's arms. And I sobbed like a baby.

 

What did you do to adjust to having two little ones at home?

We are still adjusting. When we first brought Poppy home, we canceled everything for three weeks and just hunkered down and tried to keep it to the four of us. Friends dropped off clothes for Poppy and food for us; that was a lifesaver. Getting all of us on the same schedule was the hardest and most taxing part, but once we got that figured out, it was all fun. Someone told me: "Having one is like having one; having two is like having 10." I have to say I agree.

Was it hard on PJ when Poppy came home?

We thought there would be a problem of jealously, but he is very social, so it was more like a day or so of confusion, like, "Oh, you are still here? OK, well let me show you how things work…"

On the third day she was home we had to take her to get blood work done. PJ was there and was very protective of her when the nurses were taking her blood. He made a face that said, "Don't mess with my sister!" It was so sweet. I think I cried as much as Poppy did.

This past week, PJ taught her how to climb the stairs with him. It is hard to keep up with these two. Their pediatrician said this was the best age for them to be together because they will never know each other not being around.

 

Have there been any challenges to raising babies that are not the same race as you?

We have not had any problems personally. Other people have problems and, well, that is their problem. About once a week we usually have someone ask "where they came from." If they are kind, I tell them the story; if they are snarky I say, "this faraway land called south St. Louis."

We find we mostly get unsolicited comments on PJ's hair or his size. Rob had a man say to him, "It is nice that you adopted, but you feed him too much." Rob just had to laugh because PJ is in the 100th percentile; he is just a big kid.

Poppy garners a lot of attention because she is exotic looking, so people just come up to her and stare. It is sweet but kind of creepy sometimes.

 What are your hopes for your children in the future?

 We are so lucky to have them in our lives. We live in Kirkwood, which has a small-town feel because everyone knows each other and many of our friends have moved here, too. So we have a large extended circle of family and friends.

We have already traveled extensively with the kids — they have been to the beach, the mountains in Oregon, etc. We plan on offering them many life opportunities so they know what an amazing world it is out there and know that they are a part of it, which we believe helps instill personal responsibility. We want to open them up to opportunities that they would not have had otherwise.

Beyond that, our hopes are the same as other parents': We want them to be happy, confident, kind and altruistic. If they can help with laundry, that would be amazing as well.