Q: My 4-year-old and 6-year-old are constantly tattling on each other at home, in the stores and just about everywhere. What are some tips on getting them to stop doing it so frequently? Is the 4-year-old too young to learn the difference between information that is important and that is not?

A: My 4-year-old daughter started a new preschool this year and her tattling multiplied tenfold. Recently, there was an open house to welcome new students at the school. Each classmate had something different to do to help out. If someone didn't follow through on a specific responsibility, one or more others tattled on that student. The teacher seemed to encourage this behavior and constantly stopped to reprimand and explain a rule in front of the entire class. I talked with her about it in private and she explained that once the classroom rules were learned, there was very little tattling and I should see a change at home as well. She was correct. Try to visit each child's classroom and see if there's a possibility that the teacher is introducing new rules. If so, it may not last that long. -- Nikki Gonzales in San Antonio, Texas

FROM JODIE:

Four- and 6-year-olds are very eager to please and love repetition. This is their way of announcing that they are following whatever rules you have set in place.

With the older child, there could very well be a little bit of jealously in gaining your attention or approval of knowing who is right in various situations. Additionally, the youngest may want to emulate the behavior of the older sibling by trying to impress you by sharing his knowledge of what he thinks is right and wrong. Naturally, this leads to sibling competition that will always be present between the two. Thus, a pattern develops of who tattled last, what type of repercussion was received for which action and will pretty much continue for the next 10 or so years.

However, it is up to you to attempt to explain the difference between telling you important information, and perhaps what constitutes an emergency, and what you consider tattling. Being flexible with household rules and helping them learn what you perceive as acceptable behavior is imperative at their current age and stage of development. Things will change as they get older, and having that flexibility in place will help the tattling vs. telling scenario.

For now, listen to what each one is saying and either tell them to try and work it out between the two of them, give them an example of what might happen next or a use combination of the two. They will eventually learn what is important to tell you as an adult in charge and also be able to negotiate whatever is necessary to keep the peace between the two of them.

CAN YOU HELP?

My husband's job requires him to travel out of town for two weeks at a time. Our daughter is only 2 and seems to have a hard time connecting to her dad once he returns. Any tips on building a better relationship between them while he is gone?

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