Missouri will have an election next week that doesn't count. I'm talking about the Republican presidential primary. It will not count because of national party rules that were meant to preserve the status of the states that traditionally have been first to select delegates for the national conventions.

Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina are allowed to go first. Everybody else is supposed to wait until March.

If a state violates these party rules by selecting delegates before March, that state runs the risk of losing delegates.

In an effort to preserve its delegates, the Missouri Republican Party decided that Tuesday's election won't count. Delegates will be selected during caucuses in March.

Making Tuesday's election even more meaningless, Newt Gingrich isn't on the ballot.

So if a Republican wants to cast an anti-Mitt Romney vote, he or she could vote for Rick Santorum. But would that be smart? A Santorum victory — even in an election that doesn't count — would undercut Gingrich, which would help Romney.

Nobody thinks Santorum can win the nomination, let alone the general election. In 2006, the voters of Pennsylvania threw him out of the U.S. Senate in a 41 percent to 59 percent landslide for Bob Casey.

So what is a Missouri Republican supposed to do?

Let me make a suggestion. Although Gingrich isn't on the ballot, Herman Cain is. So is Michele Bachmann. Rick Perry, too. Jon Huntsman, as well.

All four of those candidates have already dropped out. Could the state that not long ago elected a dead man to the U.S. Senate now elect a failed candidate in an election that doesn't count?

Absolutely it can. And should.

If nothing else, it would get attention. This used to be a bellwether state. People interested in politics kept an eye on us. As goes Missouri, so goes the nation. We lost our bellwether status when we went for John McCain over Barack Obama. Nobody pays attention to Missouri anymore.

Also, this was once a swing state. Presidential candidates campaigned here. That, too, belongs to the past. This is now a red state. John Kerry gave up on Missouri in 2004. Barack Obama is unlikely to spend much time here.

So Missouri seems destined to be an afterthought in 2012. Unless it does something dramatic.

It has two choices. It could elect a candidate who has already dropped out. Or it could elect Ron Paul.

I think the shock effect would be greater with one of the dropouts.

Besides, Paul has a chance to win the caucuses in March. He's got the kind of committed supporters who turn out for caucuses. So his supporters ought to bide their time until it counts.

Which of the four dropouts should Missouri support?

Let's dismiss Huntsman right away. He's no fun.

We are left with Cain, Bachmann and Perry.

Personally, I have a lot of sympathy for Perry. I couldn't believe the way people made a big deal when he forgot the name of that third agency he wanted to get rid of. His brain froze up. That can happen to anybody. It's like forgetting your phone number. Or the password to the computer.

That disqualifies somebody from being president?

I like Cain, too. While I normally disapprove of racial stereotypes, it was kind of strange, and weirdly refreshing, to see a black guy with a company called Godfather's Pizza. Italians as mobsters.

But for real shock value, I don't think we could do better than Michele Bachmann.

She was the most fun of the whole batch this election cycle. I remember when she celebrated Elvis Presley's birthday on the anniversary of his death. Also, the time she got mixed up and invoked the spirit of John Wayne in Waterloo, Iowa. Actually, it was serial killer John Wayne Gacy who was born in that town.

In addition to being fun, she was the first of the candidates to drop out. She quit after finishing sixth in Iowa. So if she were to win Tuesday's election, people would take notice.

Of course, I never tell anybody else how to vote. But I would point out two things, First, the election doesn't count, and second, anybody can request a Republican ballot.

So if you're a Missouri Democrat, you can vote in the Democratic primary — yawn — or you can step across the aisle and help put the state back on the political map.