Thank you for agreeing to see me on such short notice, doctor. I guess I just sort of flipped out.

Certainly. Do you know what made you, as you say, "flip out?"

It was a story in the newspaper about what sort of beer commercials Anheuser-Busch was making for the Super Bowl.

You don't like beer?

I love beer. I just don't like anything about the Super Bowl except the game. I especially don't like Super Bowl commercials. More than that, I hate all the stories about Super Bowl commercials. I hate USA Today's stupid poll about what Super Bowl commercials people liked best. I hate people discussing Super Bowl commercials, especially on Facebook.

Well, you know a lot of people who don't particularly care about football tune in just to watch the commercials and the halftime show.

And that's another thing — the halftime show. It's a 45-minute salute to excess. This year it's Madonna. Whatever happened to marching bands that spelled out names? This year, to honor Madonna, the band could spell out "OVER."

But people get together at Super Bowl parties. They have a good time. It's like a patriotic thing to do.

ARRRGH! Don't say that! Patriotism? The National Football League is a tax-dodging cartel of billionaire extortionists who wrap themselves in the flag every chance they get. If they're so patriotic why is the NFL a tax-exempt corporation? If the NFL is such a fine corporate citizen, why did it insist on being exempted from every state and local tax in Indiana before bringing the game to Indianapolis?

I'll say this for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. At least he's honest. When Steve Kroft asked him on "60 Minutes" last week whether the NFL's revenue-sharing rules were socialist, Goodell admitted, "It's a form of socialism. And it's worked quite well for us. So we try to combine capitalism and socialism. How can we socialize by sharing our revenue in a way that will allow every team to compete."

Maybe Barack Obama should borrow that line and say, "We want to be just like the NFL by sharing our revenue in a way that will allow every American to compete."

And speaking of patriotic, how about the owner of the St. Louis Rams, who wants to ignore his lease and play a home game in each of the next three years in London? How patriotic is that? Goodbye, America's heartland. Hello, sceptered isle.

Really, I think you're getting too upset. Some people think Super Bowl Sunday should be a national holiday.

ARRRGH again! A national holiday celebrating what? Consumerism? Socialism? Tax lawyers? Faux patriotism? European vacations? The anti-trust exemption? The heroic triumph of one group of itinerant billionaires and millionaires over another?

Reports are that if the NFL owners can convince the players to extend the regular season to 18 games — 12.5 percent more opportunity to suffer a concussion, guys! — the league will schedule the Super Bowl each year on the Sunday before Presidents Day. That would make a three-day Super Bowl Holiday Weekend.

It's perfect. In 1971, Washington's Birthday, Feb. 22, became a generic third-Monday-in-February holiday that never falls on Feb. 22. Commercial interests then pushed for it to become "Presidents Day" so they could sell more stuff. The Super Bowl Holiday Weekend would be the obvious extension of that.

As Steve Kroft put it last week on "60 Minutes," "There are only two institutions in this country with the power to create almost limitless amounts of money. One is the Federal Reserve. The other is the NFL."

So what's wrong with having a good time? I think you're repressed.

Have you ever been to one, doc? It's like a week-long civic celebration of tackiness. Thousands of grown men walk around wearing shirts with other guys' names on them. We're talking serious identity issues here. You should go, doc, and hand out business cards.

They bring in hookers by the busload. Airports are crowded and private jets disgorge high-rollers and attention-seekers. There are parties everywhere, people celebrating the fact that they're at the Super Bowl and lesser mortals aren't.

It's one thing when the game is in, say, Miami or New Orleans. But Indianapolis?

For two entire weeks, thousands of reporters beat the same story lines to death, making predictions that almost never come true. I once heard a big-time New York newspaper columnist say something profoundly true: "There are more good stories in the second game of a Mariners-Royals doubleheader in mid-August than there are at the entire Super Bowl."

But I presume you're going to watch the game, anyway.

Sure. It's why God invented DVRs.