So I woke up Monday morning feeling pretty fashion-forward. I'd made my quadrennial trip to the mall on Sunday to buy shirts. On Monday I put on a new shirt and fairly new shoes. There were no holes in the socks or khakis.

I had it going on.

Then I saw Page 1 of the Monday New York Times, and I realized I had blown it — I hadn't bought any accessories. Stephanie Clifford reported:

"The male models walking the runway at New York Fashion Week shows this month wore, among other adornments, scarves that could double as blankets; belts, pocket squares and fur neckwear; caps and handbags; feather necklaces; and metal cuffs."

Now I don't regard a belt as an accessory, nor even a cap and a wool scarf on a cold day. But fur neckwear? Handbags? Metal cuffs? When you're not being arrested?

This was a bitter reminder of how far out of it I've always been.

Be honest: I'm not alone. I don't work in an industry where guys are particularly noted for their fashion sense. But even outside of the newspaper, I don't see many guys wearing fur neckwear or carrying a handbag. It could be argued that I don't go to the right places, but I don't even know where the right places are.

But somebody is buying this stuff. Spending on men's apparel and accessories is booming, Ms. Clifford reported, with sales up 8 percent last year. Spending on accessories was up 14 percent in the second half of 2011 to about $6 billion.

Six. Billion. Dollars. On accessories.

"To get traditional women's accessories to appeal to men, some designers are giving them manly names and styles," Ms. Clifford writes. "That's not really a bracelet; it's wristwear. And that's not a purse, nor the dreaded murse [man purse], but a holdall.

"'It doesn't look like you borrowed it from your girlfriend,' Nicolas Travis, 24, a business school student who runs the blog Style Flavors, said of the manned-up styles he prefers. 'A little bit more bling, and you run the risk of it looking a bit more feminine.'"

Memo to cops: Next time you arrest a guy, slap the wristwear on him.

I checked out Mr. Travis' blog. He writes, "We are allergic to bull—— and that speaks for itself."

Yes, it certainly does. So does, "We try hard at Style Flavors to be kick-ass and in-the-know" and "Rock on."

He writes that he recently lost his passport, and replacing it was a pain, so he's recommending the gray leather Damir Doma men's Buzko Passport Holder. How this will keep you from losing your passport he does not say, but perhaps losing it again won't bother you as much because you've also lost a $229.39 passport holder.

The passport holder will pair up nicely with the Dries Van Noten Hand Painted Leather Wallet. Travis writes that it has a "natural rustic vibe." It costs $249.82. I like that it's not $249 or $249.99, but a more rustic $249.82.

Here's what I don't understand because I'm such a fashion rube: You're going to stick your passport and your wallet in a pocket (or purse). What do you care what they look like?

Apparently wristwear is huge. "Bracelets are really hot right now," a fashion trend guy told Ms. Clifford. But the bracelets have to look manly.

For example, a company called Miansai makes a "retro-inspired" model out of "military-grade woven cord (sourced from an American company that supplies the U.S. Coast Guard)" that looks like you've wrapped a piece of squiggly phone cord around your wrist. It costs $105 but the J.Crew website is sold out.

Here's the part of the description I like best: "This bracelet adds a rugged utilitarian touch to whatever else you're wearing."

Sure, it's completely useless, but it adds a "rugged utilitarian touch."

From a company called Diesel, you can get leather cuffs studded with metal. "It's leather; it's hardware; it's a military aesthetic," the firm's marketing director told Ms. Clifford.

Here's an idea: Put on this bracelet, fly to Afghanistan, find a Marine humping a pack and ask him how he likes your military aesthetic.

Ms. Clifford reports that the accessories trend originated in Italy and Japan "where men throw on silky scarves or pile on bracelets and berets with nonchalance."

Guys see this on fashion blogs, or they see TV shows like "Boardwalk Empire," where "the cool characters dress with panache," and they latch on to the styles as a way to be "edgy" and "on the fringe."

Well, sure. Your edgy, fringe-y guys spend a lot of time watching TV. And who wouldn't want to look like Steve Buscemi, the star of "Boardwalk Empire?" My own look is modeled on Steve Buscemi in "Fargo."