Is Cincinnati big enough to contain both Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens?
It will have to be. T.O. will join the Bengals on Thursday after signing a one-year, incentives-laden deal.
Ochocinco was most pleased, as he expressed in this Tweet to Owens: “Dude, I got my Bugatti here in Cincy. I’m picking you up from the airport -, ain’t no luggage room though.”
Tipsheet isn’t sure this is a great football move, but everybody knows it is a GREAT entertainment move.
Cincinnati Enquirer columnist Paul Daugherty previewed the coming attraction: “It could be that the advancing ages of Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco will make them better suited for hosting talk shows on far-flung cable channels than catching passes from Carson Palmer. Or it could be that Planet Ocho – the hip-shakin’, romance-makin’ reality star hisself – and his new supporting actor will have us all watching whatever it is they do, for as long as they do it.
“Either way, it’s time to loosen the Cincinnati rep tie and have a little fun.”
Naturally, perpetually dour FanHouse columnist Jay Mariotti felt compelled to rain on this parade:
“Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten come to mind. Ren and Stimpy, too. Otherwise, I can't think of a more nonsensical and dangerous convergence of megalomania than the pairing of Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. Someone must have spiked the chili in Cincinnati with stupid juice, because suddenly, the concept of winning games and playing with dignity is about to be lost in the blur of these mad men trying to one-up each other.
“It will be comical enough watching them demand the football, leaving one to pout when the other guy is getting more touches or the other to mope when he isn't catching the winning touchdown pass. But if we've learned anything through the years from these hopeless attention hogs, it's that they're entertainers first who inevitably will vie to have the most Twitter followers, pull off the more discussed end-zone stunts and, frighteningly enough, attract the higher ratings in their back-to-back reality shows on VH1.”
So, yeah, there could be a down side to this deal. Either way it will be great fun to watch.
But Tipsheet doubts that T.O. and Ocho can top this epic scoring celebration.
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while wondering why the talented Cardinals can fall so flat on the road:
Now that Stephen Strasburg is sidelined by a sore shoulder, can Washington D.C. sports fans go back to ignoring baseball?
Who could have possibly guessed that Terrence Cody would report to Ravens camp hopelessly out of shape?
After surviving his second jet crash, will NASCAR owner Jack Roush go the Madden Cruiser route for future travel?
How in the world does Rangers pitcher Cliff Lee have 114 strikeouts and just seven walks this season? And how could the Phillies trade that guy away?
Should every sports talk radio station posts this list of commandments in its studio?
Now that he is a No. 3 quarterback in the NFL, why is Tim Tebow getting endorsement deals?
How did Chris Coghlan blow up his knee why trying to throw a celebratory cream pie at a teammate?
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “Instead of the WNBA All-Star Game, let's say the league held a six-team, three-day tournament featuring the 2010 McDonald's High School All-American boys, a team of retired NBA players, the reigning Division III men's hoops champs, the Harlem Globetrotters, a team of celebrities and famous athletes (Terrell Owens, Floyd Mayweather, Michael Rapaport, etc.), and the 2010 WNBA All-Stars. First of all, would you watch? (Yes. Of course you would. I would, too.) Second, would it be the biggest moment in WNBA history if its All-Star team won this tournament? (Yes. Indisputably.) Third, if that team got waxed in such a tournament, would anyone hold it against the league? (No way.) Fourth, after 14 seasons and little traction, what does the WNBA have to lose? We're at the "running out of poker chips and starting to make overly aggressive wagers" stage of this WNBA experience. Time to go all-in with a pair of eights.”
Jeff Schultz, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “Does West Virginia basketball coach Bob Huggins have coordination issues, or is there some other reason he has been a walking HMO nightmare lately? Two years ago, Huggins was deboarding an airplane in Charlotte when he tripped, fell and hit his head on the ground. (He was briefly hospitalized.) Last summer, according to the Charleston (W.Va) Daily Mail, Huggins 'showed up at his annual fantasy basketball camp with black eyes. He said he walked into a door after he got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.' Wait. We’re not finished. Huggins apparently cracked four ribs the other day when he tripped in his Las Vegas hotel room and fell on a coffee table. He was in town to scout an AAU tournament, or possibly to take dance lessons for a stage show at The Bellagio. There’s nothing to indicate Huggins’ klutziness is related to past heart problems, which leads to the question: How can this man choreograph a fast break?”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Ilya Kovalchuk, hockey's top free agent, announced he is joining the Heat. No, seriously, he signed a 17-year deal to stay in New Jersey -- only to see the NHL reject the contract as circumventing the salary cap. Cannot confirm the Devils now propose to pay Kovalchuk the minimum salary, but with a $102 million bonus for keeping his sideburns neat.”
Ray Ratto, CBSSports.com: The Tennessee Titans-USC (read: Lane Kiffin) lawsuit is yet one more reminder why Kiffin's scorched-sport policy, while completely suicidal, is so much fun to watch . . . What we enjoy is Kiffin's absolutely mad dash to be the man he once shared a hatefest with -- Al Davis. In other words, he wants to be hated by all people not currently in his employ, and if he can manage it in time, to be feared by those in his employ. There is no other explanation for the number of ways he seeks out the disapproval of others, and how swiftly he achieves it.”
MEGAPHONE
“I didn't know nothing about no tradition. The only thing about me . . . when I try to do something right, y'all try and turn it negative and I don't feel like that's right. I'm trying my best to do the right thing but it seems like I can't do the right thing because every little thing that I do y'all watching it and try to make a big deal out of it.”
Cowboys rookie Dez Bryant, on blowing off the time-honored tradition of carrying a veterans pads after training camp practice.
