My brother and I find ourselves, for the second time in less than a year, trying to find a suitable nursing home for our mother. Placing her in a nursing home in the first place is a tremendous mental hill to climb. Then, clean, caring, competent facilities close enough for her family to visit are almost impossible to find. I say "almost" because we haven't given up, yet. So far, it's been impossible.

I suppose that people who are able to manage private-pay care for a number of years feel this is fair; after all, they saved and prepared to have a comfortable lifestyle while they still had a steady income. Why should people who squandered and spent every dime be afforded the same accommodations for free?

Such a feeling is certainly human nature, and I understand it. But in defense of my mother, her spending and squandering were in support of raising her family. She never had a brand new car, or an extensive wardrobe. She was frugal and generous at the same time, and she loved her children unconditionally and enormously. I used to say that her profession was motherhood.

Given the choice to provide for retirement and nursing home expenses somewhere down the line, and providing something for her children right now, I can tell you she chose the latter. There was never a question in her mind what was important and what her priorities are. Her children won, hands down.

Now she's our priority; we are her voice. She has been in Truman Restorative Center since late September, and now that she has adjusted there pretty well the center is being closed, due to city budget cuts, and she is being uprooted. My brother and I are looking for a nursing home again. Of course, the ones we want her to be in, the ones we think she deserves, are not available to her.

This is so frustrating and I just had to tell somebody. Thank you.

Barbara Huddleston of St. Louis is a parent liaison at a St. Louis magnet school.