Going over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house for the holidays is a cherished tradition in many families. This year, though, that trip is unlikely to be taken for granted, if taken at all.

When friends and relatives do gather to celebrate, moreover, expect to find hand sanitizer and Tamiflu on the holiday shopping list. It’s shaping up to be that kind of season in a year when the H1N1 flu pandemic is causing many to rethink plans and priorities - and when the holiday punch bowl may be more of a potential health hazard than a festive centerpiece.

The McClelland family of Warwick, R.I., is one of many coping with holiday planning in the time of swine flu. Their Thanksgiving break this year promises to include the usual family festivities, though not the usual travel arrangements. The couple and their four young children typically fly to Pittsburgh to spend the holiday weekend with family members, a 90-minute flight as opposed to a 10-hour road trip. With four boys under the age of 5, though, three of whom suffer from asthma and none of whom has yet to be vaccinated against the swine flu virus, they’ve decided to minimize their exposure by driving rather than flying. That’s no small sacrifice, either, notwithstanding the money they’ll be saving by hitting the highway.

”Flying is quick and easy, but I’m fearful of them being cooped up in an enclosed container,” says Audrey McClelland, who admits that cutting their family visit short on both ends makes driving even less appealing. ”I can’t control if they’re going to get the virus, but I can limit their exposure to it, maybe.” Last year, she adds, it was the economy making them reconsider flying. ”This year it’s choosing the healthiest option for our family. It’s how can we still go and make it safer?”

Susan Golden of Marblehead typically hosts an open-house party between Thanksgiving and Christmas. However, concerns about H1N1 have left this year’s entertaining plans ”up in the air,” says Golden, whose three children, aged 9, 5, and 7 months, have not gotten the swine flu vaccine yet - and won’t before month’s end, if then.

”I haven’t really decided about the party,” Golden says. ”If I’m able to get them vaccinated, I’ll consider it. But if I can’t, I probably won’t do it.” She hasn’t canceled a family Thanksgiving dinner at her house, because it was scheduled months ago and would be too difficult to change on short notice. ”We’ll just hope for the best and take all the right precautions. Beyond that, there’s not much we can do.”

From mall Santas reaching for bottles of Purell to bargain-hunting shoppers wary of crowded shops and malls, it’s a conversation often heard as the calendar pages flip toward the holidays: How do we balance health risks, particularly in families with young children, against the rewards of enjoying as normal a holiday season as possible?

According to one survey last month, 20 percent of holiday shoppers plan to skip busy days like Black Friday this year, preferring to venture out when stores are emptier - and presumably more germ-free. Andra Davidson, who runs the San Francisco-based website MothersClick.com, an online social network for moms, says her discussion board has buzzed with similar concerns over the past few weeks.

”We did a survey that showed only about 10 percent ((of site subscribers)) have changed their holiday plans” because of flu concerns, Davidson says. ”But we’re definitely seeing pregnant moms, for one, approaching things differently this year. They’re avoiding airplanes and airports because they don’t know what’s out there.”

One poster on MothersClick.com, Rebecca Mason of Kansas City, says she’s forgoing her usual holiday trip to the East Coast this year, a painful but necessary precaution during her last trimester of pregnancy. ”My husband and I thought about the travel and decided we’d stay home this year,” Mason says. ”It’s not really about me this year, though. It’s about the health of my baby.”

Al and Barbara Fohlin, residents of Brooksby Village, a retirement community in Peabody, will travel to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with children and grandchildren, as they usually do. But this year’s trip was given much thought, not because of their own health concerns but because their grandkids might pick up the flu from them. ”According to the statistics we’re at the age when we’re probably more immune,” Al Fohlin says, noting that Brooksby Village residents have neither been encouraged to get the H1N1 vaccine nor discouraged from visiting relatives over the holidays.

Party planner Susan Callender of Boston Unique Events says her corporate clients are requesting menu changes in line with current health concerns as well. This means fewer passed hors d’oeuvres, cheese displays, chips and dips, and other items that encourage communal hand-contact. For holiday parties to which employees’ spouses and kids are normally invited, the word is already going out: If you have concerns about their flu exposure, please don’t bring the family.

”They want people to enjoy the food and feel comfortable, and so do we,” says Callender.

Prudence is a strategy advocated by Dr. Shira Doron, an infectious disease specialist at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, who sees plenty of H1N1 cases. ”I don’t want to see people changing their lives so they completely lose all the joy of the holidays,” Doron says. ”But every individual needs to find the right balance between staying safe and having a fulfilling holiday season.”

Adds Doron, ”Should you put out a bowl of chocolates for everyone to dip into? No. Will I leave your party if you do? No. Maybe you don’t put out the punch bowl this year, either, or you serve Thanksgiving dishes with long-handled utensils. What it really comes down to is common sense.” Most important, she says, if you do go out and buy a lot of holiday-party provisions, only to have the flu bug hit your household at the last minute and force you to cancel, don’t have ”a mental breakdown,” she cautions. ”As the Center for Disease Control says, prepare for social disruptions.”