It's a new year. Let's face it, those resolutions you made are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

So what do you say we work toward something attainable and useful?

Let's try to break some bad habits when it comes to language use.

Old wives' tale vs. old wise tale: I hear a lot of people refer to something as an "old wise tale," which is incorrect. While it may be a story from old and contain wisdom, I believe the person is referring to an old wives' tale.

I don't like to brag, but please know that I am considered an expert when it comes to old wives' tales. How did I attain that title, you ask? I have firsthand knowledge when it comes to old wives' tales because I, myself, have an old ... textbook that defines the phrase clearly and concisely. (You really didn't think I'd go THERE, did you?)

Whoa vs. woah: I am beginning to see this mistake more and more. Let's imagine for a moment that I see a picture of you riding atop a horse and you are trying to stop the horse. The word in the little cartoon balloon coming out of your mouth would read "WHOA!" not "WOAH!"

Who granted anyone permission to suddenly rearrange letters in words? Is anyone going to rearrange the command to get a horse moving to "Giddy-Pu"? Is it ever wise to command a horse to "pu"? This nonsense needs to be brought to a hatl ... err, halt.

Chester drawers vs. chest of drawers: That unbelievably heavy piece of furniture crammed full of socks and T-shirts and money you are hiding from your spouse is called a chest of drawers.

Some lazy shlubs apparently have resorted to calling it a "chester drawers." This one isn't that hard to figure out; it's a chest that contains drawers. Additionally, I've talked to Chester and he would appreciate it if we all stopped talking about his underwear.

Could or could not care less: I have preached on the misuse of this phrase before, but apparently people could not care less that they are using the wrong phrase. If I'm eating chicken and dumplings at Cracker Barrel and someone alerts me that Justin Bieber is playing giant checkers by the fireplace, I'm going to say, "I could not care less! And please pass me a corn muffin."

If I were to say "I could care less," it would indicate there is at least some amount of care and concern inside me that young Mr. Bieber is in an oversized rocking chair playing giant checkers, but that it's possible that amount could be lessened, say if he refused to let me be the red checkers or if he had to stop and comb his perfectly dreamy hair after every move.

Don't be lazy when it comes to language. Join me in this effort to help preserve the precious English language. Together, we can help inspire a nation to "talk gooder" in 2012.

You're (not your) welcome, America.

Scott Beck of St. Charles is a Web page specialist for a health foundation in St. Louis. He writes a semimonthly column for the Journal.