Gentlemen, by the time you read this you will have approximately six days to come up with a valentine gift for your special someone.
Ladies, this means you have approximately the same number of days to figure out how to sneak helpful hints about what you'd like into your everyday conversation.
Despite all the moaning and groaning about how commercial the holiday is, and the rationalization that showing one's love ought to be year-round instead of one day a year, thereby excusing one from participating in the holiday (ahem, you valentine slackers know who you are), most of us still like to celebrate Valentine's Day somehow. Even if it's a cheapo, bottom-rack greeting card or a last-minute purchase from the quick shop, it's nice to give — and receive — something. If, that is, you speak the love language of gift-giving.
There are five love languages, according to Gary Chapman, author of the best-seller "The 5 Love Languages." Had I had such a book when I was a newlywed, I could have saved myself, and my better half, a lot of newlywed angst. As we stumbled through our first couple of years of marriage, we wondered what in blazes we'd gotten ourselves into. Turns out, we were just speaking different love languages. Like any good interpreter knows, it's all in the translation.
I read the book years ago and almost against my will. Like precious gold, my reading time is carefully preserved for mysteries, thrillers and the occasional romance, but only if it's also a mystery or thriller. When our daughter gave us the book to read, I inwardly balked. Did I have time to read books from which I might actually learn something?
Despite my reluctance, I read it and experienced a lot of light-bulb moments. You know, when something that's puzzled you suddenly makes sense, like those Super Bowl commercials you enjoy but don't really get until weeks later.
For those who haven't read the book, the love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
They say opposites attract, so it stands to reason if you like to give and receive compliments (words of affirmation), you will marry someone who never tells his spouse she looks great in a new outfit.
Conversely, if you believe showing love involves spending quality time with loved ones, receiving their undivided attention, you probably will end up with someone who likes to eat dinner while watching "Wheel of Fortune" instead of sitting at the table and talking one on one.
Am I speaking from the voice of experience? Is Demi ticked at Ashton? Yup to both questions.
Trying to speak in your partner's love language can be as annoying as those new screaming J.C. Penney commercials. Here's an "act of service" for you. For 60 years, my mom has cut my dad's hair, a job she took over from his mother right after Mom and Dad got married. She would just as soon send him to the local barber, but he doesn't trust anyone but her to do it.
When I was younger, it was entertaining to hear them as she begrudgingly performed the dreaded task. They always had quite a difference of opinion as to how it should be styled, and if I were Dad, I would have thought twice about some of his comments, being so close to a woman with sharp scissors.
Still, it's an act of service he appreciates, and he reciprocates in her love language as best he can. He praises her cooking effusively. Well, not exactly effusively, but his "not bad, honey" speaks volumes to her. Like I said, it's all in the translation.
It took me many years and tears to understand Hubby doesn't dole out compliments easily, and isn't touchy-feely like me. Hugs and words of praise didn't come naturally in his more reserved family. Chapman's book taught me Hubby shows his love in other ways.
For example, he always makes sure I have a current insurance certificate in my car, something I probably would forget on my own. He tackles the garbage and recycling and deep cleans the bathroom, things I loathe. These and other chores he does aren't as romantic as roses or a candlelight dinner, but I have learned to appreciate these acts of service as the love language they are. Here's a biggie: he faithfully cleans the cat's litter box every week, and he didn't even want a cat to begin with.
Sometimes "I love you" is said with kitty litter.
Karen Diekamp Hitchcock of St. Charles is a medical secretary who writes a semimonthly column for the Journal. She can be reached at kdhitch1@hotmail.com
