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Ice cream sundae (copy)

No matter what you do, the calories in an ice cream sundae always count. Always. Photo by 123rf.com.

Calories that don’t count:

• The evened-off corner of an uneven piece of cake or loaf of bread

• An after-dinner mint

• Anything sugar-free, even if it is loaded with other fattening ingredients

• Anything fat-free, even if it is loaded with sugar

• Cake crumbs

• Bread crumbs

• Cookie crumbs

• Pie crumbs

• Basically, any crumbs

• Anything eaten after your regular bedtime

• Any treat you share with your dog

• Any treat you would share with your dog, if you had one

• The entire first meal after you weigh yourself and are surprised to see that you have lost weight

• Your children’s leftover food, because you’re helping to fight the problem of food waste

• A lone french fry in the bottom of the bag

• Anything you eat in a car that isn’t fast food

• Anything you drink to replenish yourself after exercising

• Also, maybe a post-exercise cookie

• Raw vegetables, even when dipped in ranch dressing

• Ice cream eaten in your car outside the gym

• Any treat purchased at a coffee shop if you stopped in really intending to only have the coffee

• Unless the coffee drink ends in “-iato” or “-uccino”

• Any food stolen off your spouse’s or significant other’s plate

• If you can’t remember how many drinks you’ve had, the drinks that you can’t remember

• Food eaten after a breakup

• Anything eaten while reading

• Popcorn at the movies

• Food eaten at grandma’s house

• Food on your birthday

• Food on your spouse’s birthday

• Food on your kids’ birthday

• Food on your dog’s birthday (again, if you have a dog)

• Vacation food

• Anything eaten on deadline

• Lollipops at the doctor’s office

• Halloween candy stolen from your kids’ bags

• Samples at the supermarket

• Doughnuts brought into the office, especially if your office is a newsroom

Post-Dispatch staff writers Aisha Sultan and Valerie Schremp Hahn contributed to this column.