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BenFred: Naughty? Nice? Here are the perfect gifts for members of the STL sports scene

BenFred: Naughty? Nice? Here are the perfect gifts for members of the STL sports scene

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Tarasenko, Kindle-Betz and Kim

Vladimir Tarasenko, Carolyn Kindle Betz and Kwang Hyun Kim. 

No, I don't know what you should buy for your mother-in-law as you run around town in a panic.

Yes, you should have wrapped up your shopping sooner than Christmas Eve.

But have no fear, because once again, I am here with my twice-checked list of the must-get gifts for the St. Louis sports figures in your life.

As always, just Venmo me the money — though cash is preferred — and I'll take care of the wrapping and delivery.

Cardinals manager Mike Shildt: A swear jar

Blues coach Craig Berube: An extra-large swear jar

MLS4TheLou ownership group leader Carolyn Kindle Betz: Boxing gloves

Missouri Governor Mike Parson: An MLS4TheLou scarf

Incoming Hall of Famer Ted Simmons: A retired No. 23 on the walls of Busch Stadium

Blues star forward Vladimir Tarasenko: A green light for the postseason

Blues forward Ryan O’Reilly: A goal in a home game

Blues captain and defenseman Alex Pietrangelo: A contract extension

Blues forward David Perron: The first All-Star appearance of his career. (Pietrangelo, O'Reilly and goalie Jordan Binnington, if not more Blues players, also are deserving of invites.)

Blues general manager Doug Armstrong: A five-pound bag of Swedish Fish candy to eat while contemplating trade-deadline moves

Boston Bruins forward Brad Marchand: A fresh box of tissues

Cardinals front office: A bounce-back season from Matt Carpenter

Cardinals third baseman Matt Carpenter: 10 pounds

Cardinals shortstop Paul DeJong: A few off days

Cardinals closer Jordan Hicks: A strong return

Cardinals pitcher Kwang Hyun Kim, who prefers to go by “KK”: More K's.

Cardinals first baseman Paul Goldschmidt: A season like 2018

Cardinals starter Adam Wainwright: A season like 2019

Cardinals second baseman Kolten Wong: Another shot at leadoff

Cardinals center fielder Harrison Bader: An average above .250

Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina: Healthy hands

Cardinals catching prospect Andrew Knizner: Patience, and lots of it

Cardinals ace Jack Flaherty: Cy Young Award votes

Cardinals reliever John Brebbia: Beard wax, a new umbrella and a tea sampler

Cardinals outfield prospect Dylan Carlson: A locker in St. Louis

Free agent outfielder Marcell Ozuna: A Reds uniform

Affluent Cardinals fans: A safe and fun trip to London

Post-Dispatch Cardinals writer and life-saver Derrick Goold: A superhero cape

Regional cable legend and budding political superstar Jim “The Cat” Hayes: A successful presidential campaign

St. Louis University guard Jordan Goodwin: More national attention for how well he is playing

St. Louis University basketball coach Travis Ford: A free-throw coach

Missouri men’s basketball coach Cuonzo Martin: An upset of Kansas

Missouri forward Jeremiah Tilmon: A truce with the officials

Missouri guard Xavier Pinson: More minutes and fewer turnovers

Missouri women’s basketball coach Robin Pingeton: Another Sophie Cunningham

Missouri football coach Eliah Drinkwitz: A better relationship with his athletics director than the previous Tigers coach

Missouri athletics director Jim Sterk: A quiet year

Parker Search Firm: Better lists 

University of Missouri curators: A thank-you card

Arkansas defensive coordinator Barry Odom: A subscription to the Arkansas Rivals website, HawgBeat.com.

Illinois football coach Lovie Smith: A Redbox Bowl win

Broncos quarterback Drew Lock: More throws that make Denver head coach Vic Fangio look silly

New England Patriots: Continued exposure of their cheating ways

Rams owner Stan Kroenke: More stadium cost overruns in Los Angeles and additional legal fees from the league's ongoing battle with St. Louis about the Rams' relocation rip-job.

St. Louis Rams personal seat license holders: A shopping spree

St. Louis BattleHawks: A 2-0 record by the time the XFL team plays its first home game at The Dome on Sunday, Feb. 23.

Houston Astros: A new trash can

Cardinals hitting coach Jeff Albert: A verdict from MLB's investigation into the Astros' sign stealing that does not include the former Houston employee's name

St. Louis chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America: A rocking 2019 dinner. Interested? Tickets are on sale.

Anyone who wants to delay shopping just a few more minutes: An invitation to today’s STLToday chat, which starts at 11 a.m., right here.

Happy Holidays, everybody.

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