Our purpose this week is to offer some practical advice to conservatives (though we think that it's pretty good advice for liberals, as well) in an effort to strengthen marriage within our society. In doing so, we strengthen a conservative perspective.

First, as we essentially argued in our last article, by fighting against same-sex marriage, conservatives are asking the state to put its bureaucratic fist where it doesn't belong — against the noses of our private and interpersonal relationships.

Conservatives should not argue against the state licensing same-sex marriages; rather, conservatives should argue against the state licensing marriages. Marriage is about the valuing of personal and private relationships; the state has no legitimate claim to regulating and licensing these relationships.

Perhaps the state should give out domestic partnerships to all couples in relationships. Those partnership certificates could serve, for example, the role of legitimizing pursuits that rightly fall under the government's purview, such as establishing a tax filing status or determining survivor benefits. But "marriage" is too sacred of a word and too spiritual of an ideal for the state to have a monopoly (or even a role) in granting licenses as an official status of a relationship.

What's the alternative? Marriages should be conducted by religious leaders or within cultural traditions. The ability of religious and cultural leaders to conduct a marriage should not be dependent on whether the betrothed couple has the blessing of the government. Success with this argument will more strongly legitimize the strength of marriage and enhance the basic tenet of conservatism that government intrusion in our private lives flies in the face of God-given freedom.

Second, we call on conservatives to strengthen the bonds of marriage through their private and personal circles of influence. To the betrothed themselves, we ask that you look into your own motives and reasons for getting married.

Have the two of you proactively done the difficult work of planning for the rest of your lives? Planning for the rest of your lives, by the way, is quite different than planning a twenty minute wedding ceremony and the subsequent party.

We find it shameful that many couples invest hours upon hours solidifying guest lists, pricing flowers, and interviewing caterers, but invest little time in seriously addressing the substance and meaningfulness of the rest of their days. What will you value? How will you spend your money? How will you approach disagreements? What will be the guiding principles within your homes and families?

Family members, religious leaders and friends to the betrothed, we call on you to play an active role in supporting potential marriages. Sadly, both family members and even religious leaders will sit quietly and with seeming indifference while two head-in-the-clouds lovers stare deeply and romantically into each other's eyes, not to mention their leering at other body parts in anxious anticipation.

Those family members and religious leaders know that hard times will come and even recognize that the couple has not prepared to face such hard times; yet through silence, family members and religious leaders tacitly approve of the naive belief in the power of romantic love as a bond that will last a lifetime.

Parents, have you approached your soon-to-be engaged or married child raising questions for them that they, themselves, have not considered? Have you shared your own lives in authentic ways that will provide your children insights into their future as a married couple? Religious leaders, before you allow your church, synagogue, or masque to bless a marriage through ceremony, have you provided rigorous spiritual leadership for the couple through premarital counseling, training, and instruction? Have you facilitated discussions among the couple about important issues that they may not have discussed?

We believe that we can return marriage to the sanctity and seriousness with which it was once viewed. But marriage will not be strengthened through government leadership. Marriage will only be strengthened when good people of strong conscience act to influence those who they love.

Heather Knowlton teaches English composition at Lewis and Clark Community College. David Knowlton is a faculty member in the School of Education at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville.